Coaching Tip:

When you have difficulty saying "no", consider what you'd be saying "yes" to.

Quotable Quote
Make it a project to say, "No," to something every day. --Linda D. Tillman, PhD

Finding the "Bigger Yes"

"Opportunity cost" is a financial term used to help business managers analyze alternatives before making a decision. The price for a purchase is more than the actual cost of the item; it is also the cost of passing up the next best choice. The decision-maker is encouraged to consider "What am I giving up by making this selection? Is it worth it?"

Many of us could benefit by doing an "opportunity cost analysis" when making choices about our use of time and energy. By failing to say "no" we are making a choice that keeps us from getting to higher goals and deeper aspirations. The opportunity cost of that decision is too high. We can more easily find the motivation to say "no" when we realize what we are forfeiting if we don't.

Yet saying "no" can be extremely difficult. In the moment we may see only the risks of saying "no." If I say "no" to the person who comes into the office to vent frustration every day, he might be hurt. If I say "no" to the volunteer coordinator, will she think I don't care about others? If I say "no" to that client, will I be able to replace the revenue? If I say "no" to a new and exciting opportunity, will I be turning down my best chance for the success I've always dreamed of?

What makes saying "no" so difficult is that the choice is usually not between something good and something bad. It is good to volunteer to help others. It is good to take time from my work day to lend a listening ear to someone who has a problem. It is good to have the revenue from this client, even if he doesn't pay on time and makes impossible demands. It is good to be innovative and to be open to new ideas. Often, saying "no" can mean giving up something that is good. That's why it can cause us distress.

The key to breaking this pattern is to become clear about what we want to create in our lives - what we'd be saying "yes" to by saying "no."

• If I stop making my office a place where people come to gripe, can it become a place where positive people gather to give each other support and nurture?
  
• Am I really contributing to others' well-being if I provide them with an outlet for emotional release when what they really need is to come to grips with their situation and start planning a different course of action?
  
• If I stop giving in to pressure to help others with their charitable activities, will I find the time to volunteer for another charitable cause that reflects my own values and interests?
  
• If I set boundaries with a negative person, isn't it possible that I'll free up enough positive energy to attract the types of people I really love to be with?
  
• If I lose that client by holding the line, I may take a momentary financial hit, but I'm ready to start finding clients who value me and my company's work enough to pay full price -- on time.
  
• If I am willing to ask others to evaluate my new and exciting ideas, their input will help me refine them before I go down a blind alley. They may even be willing to partner with me to bring a project to fruition.

To unsubscribe, send an e-mail to:
ForwardFocusCoachingTip-Off@letters.webvalence.com