LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS Welcome to the February issue of LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS. In this issue we offer two articles about the internal talk that gets in the way of us having what we want in life. We'll share with you about how to deal with an Attack of the Gremlins and how to Leave Your (Internal) Kid at Home. In a new section called, DREAMS IN THE MAKING, we share successes of 3 more people who are taking big steps to make their dreams comes true!!!
We also have lots of upcoming events scheduled for those of you in the Atlanta area. As always, we encourage your ongoing feedback and invite you to submit articles for possible inclusion in the newsletter. Please forward this on to anyone whom you think will enjoy it. We ask that you forward it in its entirety. If this has been forwarded to you and you want to subscribe, mailto:delkin@mindspring.com with the word "subscribe" as the subject. To remove yourself from the mailing list, mailto:delkin@mindspring.com and type "unsubscribe" as the subject. With love and respect,
Deb and Stacey
IN THIS ISSUE: . UPCOMING EVENTS
. THE ATTACK OF THE GREMLINS
. LEAVE YOUR (INTERNAL) KID AT HOME
. DREAMS IN THE MAKING UPCOMING EVENTS WORK LESS AND HAVE MORE: The Key to Balanced Living.
Interactive lunch and learn presentation in which Stacey will share with you steps to creating a more balanced life. You will learn how to have more time for the things that are really important to you while actually being more productive at work and in your personal life. It is a process that combines inner reflection with real life application. Join us and have the opportunity to experience coaching firsthand. Thursday February 24th at noon at the Decatur Library Open to the public. No charge. Call 404-370-8450 for directions CONFIDENT WOMEN - Coaching group. As seen on CBS Atlanta evening news! Most women, even those who are quite accomplished, lack confidence in certain areas of their life. This group will provide them the tools, support and encouragement to have more confidence to do more and have more of what they truly want in life. We will take on real life projects you've been wanting to do in addition to exercises to help build the confidence muscle. One space left. Last entry date is Monday evening, February 21st. Meets every other week. Contact Stacey for more information at 770-643-0886.
UNLOCKING YOUR PURPOSE AND MISSION IN LIFE
The five week course will help you get clear on what is important in all areas of your life, clarify values and chart your own direction. The end product is a personal mission and purpose statement but the real learning is in the journey we take to get you there. Wednesday evenings, March 1 - 29 at Kennesaw State University. Call 770-423-6765 to register or for more information contact Stacey at 770-650-6737. ONGOING WOMEN'S GROUP -
This is a therapy group for women who are needing a safe place to talk with other women about the problems in their lives. It is led by a Licensed Professional Counselor and meets on Monday evenings. To find out more about this group, please call Deb Elkin, LPC, at 404-320-9548. HEALTHY COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR EVERYDAY LIVING - Getting heard in this everyday world can be quite a challenge. And listening to what others have to say to us can be just as big of a challenge. Deb is offering a series of 5 classes designed to help you improve your everyday communication skills, your listening skills, and help you get more of the results that you want in your every day life. Saturdays, April 1 - May 6 from 10:30 to 12:00 at the Wellness Center of DeKalb Medical Center. For more information, call Deb at 404-320-9548. To register, call DeKalb Medical Center at 404-501-2222. SUPPORT GROUP FOR THOSE STRUGGLING WITH FOOD AND WEIGHT ISSUES -
This group is being formed to help and support you with your eating and weight issues. It is designed to give you a place where you can talk about what's going on with you around food and weight, and get support from others who are going through the same thing. We will look at issues such as; our eating habits, how we feel about our bodies, our femininity or masculinity, eating to avoid feelings, and difficulty connecting with others. We will also look at new ways to manage stress, deal with feelings and learn new and better ways to self-care. Led by Deb Elkin, Licensed Professional Counselor and Brodie Haddock, Licensed Dietician. Meets for 12 weeks, Wednesday evenings, 5:30 to 7:00, starting April 19. For more information, call Deb at 404-320-9548. To register, call the DeKalb Wellness Center at 404-501-2222. LIMITED TO 12. PROCESS GROUP FOR THOSE STRUGGLING WITH FOOD AND WEIGHT ISSUES -
This group is designed for those who are ready to process some of the underlying issues and feelings that are associated with their eating issues. We can educate ourselves about diet, exercise, and nutrition, but unless we address the underlying emotions and issues that lead to our abusing food, our recovery process is not complete. By sharing your stories and hearing other people's stories and through the support that this type of group offers, we will create a safe environment to begin to work through the underlying causes of your food and eating issues. Led by Deb Elkin, Licensed Professional Counselor; 12 weekly meetings, starting Wednesday, April 19. For more information, call Deb at 404-320-9548. You must have an initial meeting with Deb prior to start of the group. LIMITED TO 8. ************************************************************************************
THE ATTACK OF THE GREMLINS
By Stacey Mayo A close friend of mine and I have lunch on a monthly basis to catch up on our lives and support each other in what we are up to. At our most recent luncheon, among other things, we talked about the fact that marketing was not linear, i.e., the results we get are not always directly correlated with the action taken. We continue to be amused and sometimes amazed at how opportunities showed up as a result of our being "out there". My recent interview with CBS Atlanta news is a good example of this. They found me as a result of a free 3 line ad I had placed in a local paper for the Confident Women Coaching group! While I certainly had intentions and hopes for the ad, an interview on the 11:00 news was an unexpected, yet delightful outcome. Elaine and I also have ongoing conversations about our gremlins and the things they say to try and keep us down, such as "Are you crazy" and "Who are you to do this?" These are examples of the uproar my gremlins created when I accepted the interview with CBS evening news with only two hours notice. Each of us has gremlins. The gremlin lives in your head and is the negative narrator who tells you who you are not and why you cannot do certain things. Your gremlin has likely been with you a long time, perhaps before birth, but certainly was created, at least in part, from your past experiences. The key is becoming aware of the things your gremlin says and separating yourself from your gremlin. Just noticing that your gremlin is speaking, gives you freedom to choose to abide by his words/warnings or to choose differently. Shortly after our most recent get-together, Elaine sent me this story via email. It vividly depicts the two concepts above in one real life situation. She gave me permission to share it with you. IT IS NOT LINEAR by Elaine Tibbitts
This morning I met a friend at the IHOP restaurant on Jimmy Carter Blvd. After a nice meal and a nurturing visit we walked to the front. I carried a book
in my arms that I had brought to read in the event he arrived late or I
arrived early -- "The Power of Personal Storytelling". As we reached the
cashier a woman approached and interrupted. "Excuse me" she said "I could not help but notice the title of the book
you carry, are you a Storyteller?" My gremlins immediately invaded my mind and all the "not good enoughs"
ran instantly to the forefront. "Yes I am" I heard myself say, to the
dismay of the gremlins. "I am the producer of a live Christian show at one of the local radio
stations." I watched her facial expressions to see if she could hear my
gremlins screaming. "What kind of stories do you tell?" I took another
gremlin break. By now they were not only screaming they were tap dancing
inside my head and pounding on my insecurities. "All kinds I said" The gremlins are angry. "I would love to talk to you
about it, my name is Aimee." Stunned and in disbelief I handed her my
business card. As Jay and I walked outside he laughed "She set you back didn't she?
Did you get her card?" I shook my head from left to right. "Go back" he
instructed. I reentered the restaurant. Aimee was already looking for a
card. "I knew you would be back" she said" This is not the end of this story. It is only the beginning. More to
come as the "Story" unfolds.
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Elaine Tibbitts is a storyteller and speaker. She also teaches a parenting class called Redirecting Childrens Behavior. Contact her at bwell@bellsouth.net. CALL TO ACTION: Apply these concepts in your life this week. It is Non-Linear: - Get clear on something you would like to attract into your life. Now find ways to get out of your house, get in action and be out in the world without any attachment to exactly how it shows up or from where opportunities arise. Let me know what happens.
Taming the Gremlins - Start noticing what the gremlins in your head say. Carry around an index card in your purse or pocket so you can make note of all the different messages it gives you.
- When you hear your gremlin speak, just notice it, thank it for sharing but don't get in an argument with it or analyze it.
- Remind yourself that you have options and choose whether or not you want to follow your gremlin's warning. However you choose is okay, as long as you realize you have a choice.
To learn more about how to identify and tame your gremlins, hit the link below and check out the book Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide to Enjoying Yourself by Richard D. Carson. It is a quick read, full of animated gremlin caricatures that will add a light twist and very helpful hints on how to tame those persistent voices in your head and enjoy life more. Only $9.60 from Amazon. ***************************************************************************************
LEAVE YOUR (INTERNAL) KID AT HOME!
by Deb Elkin I received a phone call from a client of mine this week. During our session the previous week she had told me that the intern site she had chosen in school wasn't working out for her. She wasn't learning what she wanted and needed to learn, and she wasn't getting the supervision she felt she needed to grow as a professional in her field. And she was pretty clear that no one at the school would really listen to her, she doubted anyone would try to help her, and that more than likely, she was stuck there. She was very unhappy about it, but felt pretty resigned to it. We explored some of Karen's early life experiences which had taught her that what she wanted didn't count, how she felt didn't matter, and that no one would ever take her seriously. Still believing all of that, her internal kid was terrified to speak up or make waves. She didn't expect to get heard, she feared she might be shamed or ridiculed or bullied, and she didn't want to go through that again! So she wasn't even going to try - what was the point? She knew the outcome - or so her internal little kid thought! We all do this type of thing to ourselves. We grew up in our own unique family setting. We learned when to speak and when to be quiet. We learned whether or not it was OK to feel. We learned which feelings were OK to express and which ones were unacceptable. We learned if and when it was safe to ask for what we wanted. And from those early learnings, we made decisions about how to live our lives and what to expect from life. Unless we've had some help working through all of this, most of us are probably still living and acting from these old belief systems. Karen's situation is a good example of this. Now that we are adults however, it's important to realize that these beliefs and ways of behaving in the world don't serve us anymore. Our inner kids aren't equipped to handle our adult life situations and decisions. And they weren't meant to! Putting our scared or angry 5, 10 or 15 year olds in charge, or letting them take over, whichever the case may be, is a pretty mean thing to do to ourselves and to them! So how do you take your kid out of your adult interactions and let your much more socialized and competent adult be responsible for them? The first step is to recognize that you do in fact have a competent adult living inside of you! Many of you forget that you do in fact have successes functioning as adults in your world. Let yourself take a minute to really acknowledge yourself and what your adult successes are and have been. It's important to SEE yourself as the adult that you are. The next step is to start paying attention to when a younger part of you is
in charge. You can recognize them because they tend to be more reactionary, more defensive, more scared. They also tend to expect things not to go their way or for things to really be a struggle or a battle. They may be ready to fight, or as in Karen's case, they might not even want to take on the fight. Once you recognize that one of your young ones is present, then you need to take a moment to talk to him/her. It really doesn't take long. You can just say to yourself, "Ah! My 5 year old is here. Hi honey. Pretty scared/pretty angry/pretty frustrated (etc.) huh? " That's the acknowledgement part. I know you're here, I see you (so to speak), I hear you. That's what they are really looking for is to be noticed and taken seriously. (Isn't that what you really wanted as a kid?) Now the most important part. Now that they know they've been heard, next let them know that you'll take over now and handle it from here. My scared little girl loves to play in my backyard in the sunshine, watching the birds and exploring in the garden. So I send her off to play while the adult me takes over and handles what needs to be handled. Karen let her little girl hide behind her, the way little kids hide behind their parents' legs when they are scared or shy, while her adult took over and handled what needed to be handled. So what happened for Karen? Her advisor told her that if her intern site wasn't working out for her, they would help her change it! They were completely supportive and helpful. Karen was amazed, delighted and completely surprised! Her kid's worst fears were not real, and when her adult was able to take over, she had a totally different experience than she'd had in the past. (This doesn't mean that you'll always get what you want, but you'll have at least asked for it, allowed for the possibility of getting it, and done it in a way that leaves you can feeling much better about yourself.) Life becomes much easier when our little kids aren't running our lives. We become more highly functioning adults, we become more self-confident, and we begin to trust and respect ourselves more. Know that this will take work and practice on your part. You can journal about it. You can share this process with a friend, helping each other to recognize your little kid voices, your competent adult's presence, and how to put the adult in charge. Or you may decide you need the help of a coach, counselor or therapist. Whatever you choose, commit to yourself to taking your kid off the hook and putting your adult in charge of your life. *************************************************************************************
DREAMS IN THE MAKING
By Stacey Mayo Congratulations to former client, Carmel Anderson, on her first art exhibit. Carmel left her career as a fashion design manager to pursue her own artistic endeavors and balance time at home with her family. Those of you in the Atlanta area can attend her first showing of watercolor paintings, "The Art of Food". There will be a Wine and Cheese Reception. Saturday, February 26th from 6:00 - 9:00 pm at Margie's Pantry in Decatur. Call 404-377-3818 for directions. I plan to be there.J Congratulations to my husband, Mike Scruggs, on the enormous feedback for his music which just debuted on the internet via MP3. During the first week his website was published, two of his songs ranked number 1 (Angels Among Us) and number 3 (God Bless the Children) respectively among Easy Listening songs in Atlanta!!! The popularity of these songs has reinforced the need to get his music out. He will start recording his first CD shortly. In the meantime, you can listen to these songs in your own home. Simply go to
http://www.mp3.com/mikescruggs Congratulations to client, Lauren Lee on starting her new coaching practice, The Center for Conscious Living. Lauren left her job as a technical/sales director for a software company at the end of 1999 to follow her purpose and passion in life. In this new career she will use her natural gifts as a coach and trainer on an ongoing basis. Lauren is located in Alameda, CA and may be contacted at laurenlee@earthlink.net
************************************************************ If something in this newsletter resonates with you and you would like
support moving forward with it, Deb and Stacey are available for consultation. Deb is available for private counseling sessions to help you work through the unresolved issues of your life and brings a spiritual perspective to this healing process. For a free 30 minute consultation or for an appointment (by phone or in person), you can reach her at 404-320-9548 or email her at
delkin@mindspring.com As your success coach, Stacey will partner with you to create an extraordinary life and live out your dreams. To schedule a free phone consultation and find out if coaching is right for you, contact Stacey at mailto:coach@balancedliving.com or call 770-643-0886. Phone and in-person coaching as well as career testing is available. http://www.balancedliving.com
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