LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS Welcome to the September issue of LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS. In this edition, Deb shares a real life story about someone who lost her job and is turning her life around as a result. Stacey talks about how living from a place of joy and knowing instead of fear will move you further along in the direction of your dreams and then shares some ideas to help you make this shift Please forward this newsletter to anyone who you think would enjoy it. We'd like to share our thoughts on LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS with as many people as possible. New instructions for subscribing to or removing yourself from this list are outlined at the end of the newsletter. If you would like to correspond with us directly, do NOT hit reply. Contact Deb at delkin@mindspring.com or Stacey at coach@balancedliving.com. We enjoy hearing from you and welcome your thoughts and suggestions. With love and respect,
Deb and Stacey IN THIS ISSUE: - WHEN LOSING YOUR JOB IS A BLESSING
- WHAT WOULD I DO IF I WASN'T AFRAID?
UPCOMING EVENTS: AHEAD OF THE CURVE, QUANTUM LEAPS IN LEADERSHIP!
POSSIBLE WOMAN LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE IN JAMAICA!
Come join Stacey at this extraordinary conference with an incredible line-up of speakers and workshops. WIND, WATER, WISDOM & WOMEN
Unwind in the relaxing blue waters and warm sunshine of the Caribbean.
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Create long-lasting business and personal relationships. Stacey will be speaking on Living Your Dreams. Conference is scheduled for January 18-21, 2001. Visit www.possiblewoman.com for more information and sign up for a learning and networking vacation of a lifetime. ARTICLE OF INTEREST
"More Entrepreneurs Seek Out Help From Executive Coaches " By Eleena Delisser, Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
Coaching is being utilized more and more by entrepreneurs and executives alike as is evidenced by this recent article about executive coaching. To receive an email version of this article contact Stacey at coach@balancedliving.com and type "coaching article" in the header.
WHEN LOSING YOUR JOB IS A BLESSING
By Deb Elkin
I write the story today of one of my clients who got lucky enough to lose her job a few weeks ago! When Ann first started seeing me, she was working for a company where she very much enjoyed the hands on aspects of her job as a data entry supervisor. And there were also aspects of her job that she did not like - bosses who were frequently changing, lots of disorganization within the company, and no one who seemed to know what anyone else in the company was doing. She was constantly frustrated and didn't feel like there was anything she could do about it. To cope, she shut down and she numbed out. She didn't talk to anyone about what she was feeling. She didn't even know what she was feeling. She also began to gain a lot of weight, smoke a lot of cigarettes, and she started getting depressed. Over the years, Ann's job changed several times. She continued to like her work and continued to struggle with the company's organization and values. Then a few years ago, her company was bought out. The new company did a major reorganization and Ann got put in a "help desk" job where she felt both underutilized and undervalued. Her unhappiness and dissatisfaction grew. We talked periodically about changing jobs, but Ann never seriously considered it. She did like some aspects of her job and she had very good benefits. She was afraid to leave all of that and she was afraid to start from scratch. She hadn't been in the job market for a many years. She didn't know if she was in fact employable, what she was worth, or if anyone would even hire her. She was afraid to make a move. Ann began to see how what was happening at work was similar to what had happened to her as she was growing up. As she began to claim that truth, it became easier for her to acknowledge how really unhappy she was at her job. She began to recognize the belief systems that she was still living out
of - "Why bother?", "Why change? It doesn't matter," "Life is overwhelming. I can't handle it." Ann and I worked together to change those old beliefs that were keeping her so stuck to more positive, life affirming and empowering beliefs. And as we did this, Ann began to realize that she wasn't feeling challenged in her work anymore. She was bored. And she also began to see what a toll this was taking on her life. She hated getting up in the morning. She slept much of the weekend. She was eating poorly and not exercising at all. Her body hurt all of the time. Her house was a wreck. Despite knowing all of this, she still was too scared to make a move. And then it happened. I got a call from Ann telling me she had lost her job! Her whole department had been eliminated. She had not seen it coming. She spent most of the next week in shock, feeling numb, trying to take it in.
Very shortly afterwards, however, Ann began to see that while she hated what had happened to her and how it had happened, she had been handed a gift. Being let go forced her into the action that she could not take on her own. Ann decided to take some time and not rush into finding a new job out of panic. She wanted to find a job that she REALLY wanted, and she didn't have any clue as to what that was. She had received a fairly good severance package and decided if she lived carefully, she could give herself six months to do this. She also decided to dedicate time to her personal growth and physical health as well. The first thing Ann started doing was walking daily and eating better. She joined a health club and started swimming regularly. (After two weeks, she'd lost 8 pounds!) Without having to wake up daily to go to a job she hated, she began to sleep better. She is amazed that she wants to get up in the mornings! She is productive in ways that she has never been before. Her headaches have disappeared. She is more clear headed and her memory has improved. She has booked a trip to London for two weeks to visit her sister. She's buying books to help her find her passion as well as working with the outplacement center to help her find out what she really wants to do. She's taking her time. She is considering a complete career change. And she is very excited by it all. Ann has come alive! Her cheeks glow. Her eyes sparkle. She is bubbly. She is laughing and cracking jokes. She is bursting with ideas. She is excited and energetic. It is an incredible delight to be in her presence! The lessons? We truly never know where our gifts will come from or in what shape they will come. (I promise you Ann never suspected losing her job would bring her such joy and freedom!) We have to let go and risk being in the unknown. We have to learn to trust the universe to take care of us and send us what we need, even if we don't see it or understand it in the moment. We have to call on faith. And we have to remember to count our blessings. Apply this to your life. Where is it time to let go of something that is no longer working for you? While things are working out for Ann, you don't have to wait for the universe to push you. What steps can you take to move forward in your life today? Who can you get to support you in this?
WHAT WOULD I DO IF I WASN'T AFRAID?
By Stacey Mayo In the opening ceremony of the 2000 Olympics in Australia, 13 year old Nikki lived out a fantasy of her own while portraying a dream scene for millions of people across the world. She was hoisted 80 feet in the air where she swam and flipped and twirled over the heads of 110,000 people. When asked how this felt, Nikki smiled and said, "I had the best seat in the house. It was incredible!" When casting for this position, the director had several requirements, one of which was that the person be fearless. Nikki certainly fit this criteria. While she may have fear about some things in her life, this did not seem to be one. It was evident on her face that she was having the time of her life. It is the rare person who is fearless all the time. We may feel little or no fear about some things and a lot more anxiety about others. The amount of fear we feel has a great deal to do with our genes and the environment we were raised in. Some people were born risk takers. They may have also been blessed with being raised in an environment where risk taking was encouraged and very little fear was evident. On the other hand, many people were raised in an environment where fear and worrying were a way of life. Perhaps you saw your parents or others living in fear or constantly worrying about the worst that might happen. This was true for me. My dad could win the medal for world's best worrier. Or perhaps something traumatic happened in your life which left you scarred. For people like this, fear became something you lived with . . . almost a way of being that lies just under the surface of our lives. Thinking of being without it is almost uncomfortable, strange as that may seem.
If this rings true for you, rather than waiting for the absence of fear, what would be possible if your fears no longer stopped you from going for what you want in life? So often we think if we wait long enough, the fear will go away. This is rarely the case. Rather it becomes necessary to acknowledge our fears and go for it anyway. Our fears are the number one thing that keep us from living out our dreams!
We may frame it in many others ways , i.e.," I don't really know what I want" or "I'm not talented enough, knowledgeable enough, well-known enough, or experienced enough" or "I don't have the resources or money" or "I'm not ready." While all of these statements may have some truth to them, the underlying issue is fear. Fear of choosing wrong, making a mistake, being rejected, failing, succeeding, getting in trouble . . .it all boils down to fear. So what are the repercussions of living in fear. Firstly, fear blocks the flow. When we are afraid, we contract and repel things from coming into our energy field.
Secondly, when we live in fear, there is an absence of joy. Fear and joy do not peacefully co-exist. What do you choose a life run by fear or a life full of joy? Thirdly, when we let fear stop us, we are not living to our fullest potential. We are pushing down that knowing deep in our soul of what is possible. So what can you do to move past the fear? Here are some tips. 1) Acknowledge to yourself that you are afraid. If you try to push down fear, it will just come back bigger than life.
2) Ask yourself, what would I do today if I wasn't afraid?
3) Consciously choose throughout the day to live from a place of joy instead of fear. When you make that choice, you automatically focus on all the things in your life that bring you joy. Visualize more joy coming into your life.
4) Get supported. Talk to a friend, your coach or therapist and get clear that you can handle the outcome whatever it may be.
5) Accept that you may make a mistake, look foolish, be rejected, whatever your biggest fear is and allow that to be okay. Know that you won't die from it and it will not ruin your chances forever. There are always more opportunities in life. Trust in that.
6) Detach from the outcome. Be intentional about what you want but let your success be in doing whatever you are afraid of, not in the result. Reward yourself for doing it regardless of the outcome.
7) If fear creeps up again, stand up and jump up and down exclaiming, "I know, I Know, I know, I know." Jumping up and down moves the energy in your body that was previously stuck. Saying "I know" gets you back in touch with that deep knowing within yourself that you will be okay.
8) Go for what you want and then journal about your experience. Notice what there is to learn from it. Make any changes necessary and take action again.
9) Intend to have fun. If you can laugh and have fun with it, the fear will naturally dissipate. After all life is too short to be so serious so choose to live from a place of joy everyday and see what miracles show up.
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If something in this newsletter resonates with you and you would like support moving forward with it, Deb and Stacey are available for consultation.
As your dream coach, Stacey partners with executives, professionals and entrepreneurs to empower you to clarify your dreams and make them a reality. To schedule a free phone consultation and find out if coaching is right for you, contact Stacey at coach@balancedliving.com or call 770.643.0886. Phone and in-person coaching are available. http://www.balancedliving.com Deb is available for private counseling sessions to help work through the unresolved issues of your life and brings a spiritual perspective to this healing process. For a free 30 minute consultation or for an appointment (by phone or in person), you can reach her at 404.320.9548 or email her at delkin@mindspring.com
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Copyright 2000, Center for Balanced Living Inc., and Winged Spirit, Inc.
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