LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS Welcome to the year-end issue of LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS. Due to the busyness of the season, we have combined the November and December editions and this will be the last newsletter for the year 2000. We will restart monthly distribution in 2001. In this issue Stacey continues her discussion on Healthy Success. She invites you to create a healthy vision for living out your dreams in 2001 and to develop supporting behaviors for that vision. Deb talks about forgiveness and the importance of learning to forgive ourselves. This is a great exercise to take on as you bring closure to the current year. A cleansing ritual you can use in conjunction with this is a burning bowl ceremony where you write down and then toss into the fire all the thoughts, issues, etc. you want to leave behind before entering the new year. It has been an honor to share our thoughts and experiences with you this year and we look forward to hearing from you in the new millenium. Please forward this newsletter to anyone who you think would enjoy it. We'd like to share our thoughts on LIVING OUT YOUR DREAMS with as many people as possible. Instructions for subscribing to or removing yourself from this list are outlined at the end of the newsletter. If you would like to correspond with us directly, contact Deb at delkin@mindspring.com or Stacey at coach@balancedliving.com. We enjoy hearing from you and welcome your thoughts and suggestions.
With love and respect,
Stacey and Deb
IN THIS ISSUE
- HEALTHY SUCCESS IN THE NEW YEAR
-- ATTRIBUTES OF HEALTHY SUCCESSUPCOMING EVENTS CREATING HEALTHY SUCCESS IN THE NEW YEAR. Join Stacey at the North Fulton Executive Network meeting in Alpharetta at 11:30 - 1:00 on January 25th where she will speak about and coach audience members on this topic of healthy success. Carson's Grill, Alpharetta, GA 770.998.7772. $20.50 at the door includes lunch. CONFIDENT WOMEN - Coaching Group. Next group starts in February. Most women, even those who are quite accomplished, lack confidence in certain areas of their life. This group will provide them the tools, support and encouragement to have more confidence to do more and have more of what they truly want in life. We will take on real life projects you've been wanting to do in addition to exercises to help build the confidence muscle. Contact Stacey for more information at 770.643.0886 or request email brochure from coach@balancedliving.com. Type "brochure" in header and include your name and phone # in the body. WOMEN'S THERAPY/SUPPORT GROUP -
This is a therapy group for women who are needing a safe place to talk with
other women about the problems in their lives. It is also a place to explore how you bring yourself to relationships, to see what works and get help with what doesn't. It is led by Deb Elkin, Licensed Professional Counselor. There is one opening in the Monday evening and one opening in the Wednesday evening groups. For more information, please call Deb at 404-320-9548. PRIVATE CONSULTATION: Deb and Stacey are available for private consultation by phone or in-person. Please go to the end of the newsletter for more detailed information.
********************************************************************************* HEALTHY SUCCESS IN THE NEW YEAR
By Stacey Mayo Last month we talked about creating your own vision of healthy success -- one in which you are going for your dreams and still taking good care of yourself. Today we will continue that discussion and look at how your can change your thoughts and behaviors to create a vision of healthy success in the year ahead. Lately, I've spoken with a lot of people about the topic of healthy success and have found it means a lot of different things to different people. Your definition will be what works for you. There are no right or wrong answers here. There are however, certain behaviors and attributes that contribute to healthy success regardless of your definition. And changing our behaviors can have a big impact on how much we enjoy our journey to living out our dreams. Our behaviors, healthy or unhealthy, are linked to our beliefs. For example, many of us were taught that you need to work really, really hard to get anywhere in life. That simple belief can lead to many unhealthy behaviors such as working extremely long hours, skipping meals, neglecting relationships or continuing to work long past the time when your body is tired. And if you do these things you may achieve your dreams, but what physical or mental condition will you be in when you get there? How much fun will the journey have been? What will your relationships be like? Will it have all been worth it? So if you want to change the way you work, what do you change first, the underlying belief or the behaviors? You could argue either side of this argument and the truth is, I don't think it matters. When one changes, the other eventually will too. One of my favorite examples of this is probably one I have mentioned before. I love to take naps. And when I am tired, I usually allow myself the luxury of a nap. Many times when I do this, I receive a phone call or email afterwards from a new client saying I want to do business with you. I love when that happens because it invalidates an old belief that hard work is the only way to get what you want. Now I am not suggesting that you sit on a mountaintop all day and meditate and wait for things to come to you. It is about being intentional and purposeful about what you want, taking action in alignment with that and then letting go and allowing it into your life. Are you ready to allow healthy success into your life? Are you ready to let go of old beliefs that are getting in the way? The belief that you have to work really hard to attain your dreams is just one limiting thought that may affect your ability to create this. What other beliefs do you have that are keeping you from YOUR vision of healthy success? This week choose a new belief -- one that supports your healthy vision. Look for evidence that this new belief is true and take actions that are in alignment with it. Notice what happens. And have fun creating healthy success in the new year.
ATTRIBUTES OF HEALTHY SUCCESS
By Stacey Mayo
Here are some behaviors and attributes of healthy success. It is by no means, an all-inclusive list. Add others as you think of them. Take on a new healthy habit once a month. (You may want to get professional support in doing this from a therapist or a coach) And notice how much more you enjoy the journey of living out your dreams. YOUR VISION ** Choose success on your own terms, void of shoulds and dependence on what others will think. ** Select goals and dreams that are in alignment with your highest values If you don't know what your values are, it's probably time to reassess. ** Visualize what it would look like to attain your highest dreams and a life you love. Create positive expectations for your dreams and your life
WORK SMARTER, NOT FASTER OR HARDER
** Refuse to participate in the rat race. It's not about how fast you get there it's about who you become along the way and how much joy you have in the journey. ** Maintain healthy boundaries and relationships while attaining your goals. Say no to things that are not in alignment with you and your dreams. ** Focus your energy on the top three things that will bring your closer to your goals each day. The rest can be delegated, dumped or delayed. You can become known as someone who gets things done but not necessarily as the one who does them. SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES ** Live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. Put closure on the past and stop worrying about the future. ** Accept that wherever you are in the attainment of your dreams is perfect. ** Detach from having to know exactly how things must look or a dollar figure that will mean you are successful SELF-CARE ** Create a work and home environment that nurtures you and your dreams. ** Learn methods/tools to minimize the unnecessary stress factors and effectively manage the inevitable stressors of every day life. ** Get 7-8 hours of sound sleep every night (you know how much you need) and rest or meditate during the day when your body tells you it is tired. VALUE YOURSELF/SELF-ESTEEM ** Utilize your natural gifts, talents and personality in the attainment of your goals. Don't try to be good at or think your should be able to do everything. You can't and you'll die an early death trying. ** Get in touch with an inner knowing that you are good enough and have access to the resources and tools to make those things happen which are most important to you. ** Determine what your services and skills are worth and find those who will pay for it. If you are compensated for less than your worth, you will have to work twice as hard for the same monetary reward. ** Develop a healthy relationship to failure and success. Many of our fears here come from what others will think. What will they think of me if I fail; what will they think of me if I am really successful?. Also remember that each failure is one step closer to success. SUPPORT ** Communicate your needs to others and get support. Doing it all by yourself is the hard way. RESERVES ** Establish a reserve of income of at least 6 months living expense - enough so you never need to feel desperate or dependent on a single client or job.
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FORGIVING OURSELVES
by Deb Elkin Forgiveness is something that doesn't come easily to many of us. That is generally even more true when it comes to forgiving ourselves. We are very hard on ourselves and don't easily let go of what we consider to be our wrongdoings and our mistakes. In the Jewish tradition, Yom Kippur, celebrated each fall, is a holiday dedicated to reflecting back on the year that has passed, looking at our "transgressions," praying and meditating on them, and asking for forgiveness. Rabbi Ron Segal of Atlanta gave a sermon this year that was filled with wisdom and insight about what forgiveness is truly all about. I share portions of it with you here hoping it might help you along your path. It carries lessons for us all, no matter what our religious or spiritual beliefs. In his sermon Rabbi Segal ponders these questions: - Why it is so difficult to experience a renewal that feels complete?
- Why, after a day filled with cleansing, letting go and forgiveness, do we so often
return to our normal routine and our old, habitual ways?- Why we don't ever seem to really internalize the message and value of the day?
He says: " I suggest that if we truly want to transform ourselves, then we must further consider the power of forgiveness. Not only the forgiveness we seek from others and from God, but the forgiveness we have yet to ask for ourselves. I believe that the reason that I - like so many of us - often fail to experience the full blessing of renewal at Yom Kippur is because I have not forgiven myself for my past mistakes and accepted the reality of my imperfection. "I genuinely think most of us are kind-hearted and forgiving individuals, willing to excuse unintentional mistakes that are followed by an appropriate apology. We certainly understand that it is human nature to make mistakes and that expectations of perfection in others are unrealistic and unfair. When we forgive others, we communicate our willingness to see the whole person and to remember the kindnesses they have done, rather than focus solely on a negative experience or bad incident. "And yet, as forgiving as we might be of others, when it comes to ourselves and our own mistakes, our rules of the game change. Generosity of spirit is not something that we readily direct inward and patience with our own errors tends to go out the window. Few of us are willing or able to tolerate anything less than perfection in ourselves. "Regardless of where and when we learned to be so self-critical, our drive for self-perfection and intolerance has such power in our lives that personal mistakes have the potential to take on monumental significance, even consuming us at times with feelings of shame and disappointment. If you are anything like me, the good things you do eventually become a warm blur in your memory, but the things we've done wrong continue to stand out sharply. Even after we have apologized and sought to rectify our mistakes, the memories still linger. Of course, this in and of itself is not a bad thing; memories of past transgressions can often keep us from repeating the same mistake. But our inability to let go is often more destructive than that; the lingering memory frequently becomes a festering wound and we beat ourselves up again and again for past transgressions*Kfor our imperfection. What should be a healthy drive "to try to do better next time" is transformed into a stain on our character and mark against our self-worth. "Forgiveness of self has to begin with an acceptance of who we are. So go ahead and ask, 'Who am I? What are the character flaws of which I am so unaccepting, the flaws that scream out my imperfection, the flaws that ultimately tell of my humanity?' I'll start*K
I am not a very disciplined person; often I am even lazy.
I am a procrastinator. I tend to wait until the last minute to get things
done.
I am an over-emotional person who frequently keeps important
feelings bottled up inside, often to the detriment of the people I
love most.
I am passionate about the things I believe in and often am too
outspoken.
I am a pleaser and I have a difficult time saying 'no', even when my
first priority, my family, suffers.
I am, in my heart of hearts, a terribly insecure person who yearns for
acceptance in my personal and professional life. "For me this year, Yom Kippur is about seeking self-forgiveness for not measuring up to the imaginary perfect ideal to which I have held myself my entire life. I am who I am. And maybe for the first time ever, I am tying to make peace with my reality. In the spirit of forgiveness, I invite all of us here to do the same." And so I also invite you all to look at the "imaginary perfect ideal" you have been holding yourself up to for (probably) most of your life, and begin to find out who you really are. Do you have the courage to look at yourself that honestly? It does take courage to look yourself in the face and see what and who is really there. And then it takes another act of courage - the willingness to both accept and forgive yourself for who you are and who you have become. In that act lies your freedom. Many thanks to Rabbi Segal for his willingness to share his wisdom and be vulnerable with us. That vulnerability, along with his honesty, let us know he is not "above his message." May we all have the courage to be that honest with ourselves. And know that when you accept and forgive yourself, you remove some of the stumbling blocks that get in your way of your living out your dreams. ************************************************************************************
If something in this newsletter resonates with you and you would like support moving forward with it, Deb and Stacey are available for consultation. As your dream coach, Stacey will partner with you to help you clarify and make your dreams a reality and live them out in a healthy way. To set up a free phone consultation and find out if coaching is right for you, contact Stacey at coach@balancedliving.com or call 770-643-0886. Phone and in-person coaching is available. http://www.balancedliving.com. Deb is available for private sessions to help work through the unresolved issues of your life and brings a spiritual perspective to this healing process. For a free 30 minute consultation or for an appointment (by phone or in person), you can reach her at 404-320-9548 or email her at delkin@mindspring.com ************************************************************* Copyright 2000, Center for Balanced Living Inc, and Winged Spirit, Inc.
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