problems and sources - # 1 being externally motivated

Welcome to KristinCoach.com NEWS - Magnetic Living
January 31, 2008
Written by life and career coach, Kristin Taliaferro, MCC.

You may read this newsletter (or past issues) online at:
http://zines.webvalence.com/sites/MagneticLiving/

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This newsletter is intended to inspire and catalyze you into
designing a life so thrilling and juicy you can barely stand yourself. Please pass it along to friends/colleagues so you will not be the only thrilling and juicy person in your world! I am glad you are here.

Welcome.

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The Juicy Topics In This Issue Are......

1. Welcome!
2. Quotes
3. Feature Article - Hey, What's Your Problem?
4. Coaching Offer

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1. Welcome
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Welcome!

It's the tail end of January and we're one month into 2008. I am a coach and can't resist the urge to ask if you've chosen your goals for the year? If not, please do!

The clients in my Goals Program are off and running with 50-100 goals each and a handful of visual anchors (reminders of a goal) all around them. Each year, I am reminded how simple the goal process can be. Get clear about what you want, spend 15-30 minutes a week focusing on it, increase your chances by using visual anchors or law of attraction and then stand back and allow it to happen.

My clients inspire me. I love the energy and enthusiasm of someone with a clear list of goals. They're unstoppable since they have a focus.

This past month, I've been totally enjoying all of my new clients as well as being back in Texas. The crsip weather has been such a nice change of pace. I love it.

Hope you're having a great day! Check out the article below on a common reason why some people don't have what they want out of life.

Also, I have space for 1-2 new phone clients in February. See below for details.

Your coach,

Kristin

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2. Quotes
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"Internal motivation means that your motivation to accomplish your goal comes from within you. Your motivation is from you. It is determined by your own values and goals, not someone else's. Internal motivation is longer lasting and more self-directive than is external motivation, which must be repeatedly reinforced by praise or rewards." - definition of internal motivation

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer

"Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

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3. Feature Article: Hey, What's Your Problem?
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Hey, what's your problem?! Don't have one? My mentor, coaching founder Thomas Leonard, might disagree.

If you don't have the life and career you truly desire, you have a problem..... according to Thomas. Do I agree? Heck yeah. I do

I was reminded of this philosophy about "problems" the other day while going through some of my coaching files from way back when.

First of all, let's get something straight. LOTS of people feel stuck in some area of their life. But, is it possible to live a problem-free existence in ALL of the major areas of life?

At the very least, it's surely an exciting goal to aim for, don't you think?

The secret, I learned from Thomas, is to get really clear about the SOURCE of your problems. And, there are at least 5 main sources that trigger problems in most people's lives.

Today, let's look at one common problem/source and how I've worked with clients to remedy the root of it. It's like picking weeds. Just gotta do it if you want a beautiful garden.

Problem: Being externally motivated.

This is a popular one nowadays! SOOOOO many people look for happiness in the outside world versus their own internal world. If you secretly (or not so secretly) believe having more money or more stuff or more recognition or prestige will make you happy, you are externally motivated. In other words, all of those things you want (money, etc) control your happiness.

I see this one all the time with clients, especially during our chats about a possible career transition (which they say they want). It's nearly impossible to transition into an ideal career, if they're externally motivated. Why? Because, they are too consumed with making a certain amount of money, pleasing others around them (which limits their choices since they feel compelled to choose a career people will approve, and we all know you can't please 'all the people all the time'), or living according to the lifestyle they think they SHOULD have.

One quick example: One client, let's call her Ruby, talked about wanting to open a business. With years of experience working for a large corporation in a leadership role, Ruby was very accustomed to being praised at work, driving an expensive car and living in a beautiful neighborhood. Her life LOOKED perfect.

Yet, during our one-on-one conversations over the phone each week, I quickly learned the truth about Ruby. She was miserable. And, her desire to start a business was partially driven by the need to escape her high pressured job.

I tackled that with her head on. Knowing your TRUE motivation for making any major life change is always important to establish. So, we talked about it in length.

"Ruby, tell me why you want your own business. Before we start creating a strategy, I really want to know what excites you about being a business owner."

Her reply?

"Well, I actually owned a small business in the past and it failed. So, I want to try again. I'm looking for something that will allow me to earn what I've been currently making and I know the best way to make a lot of money is if you own the company."

So, as you can see she was very DRIVEN to make a lot of money. And, by the way, there's nothing wrong with that. It's fun to make money! However, in this case, making money appeared to be her sole motivation.

"So, you want to make a lot of money and prove to yourself you can run your own business? Other than that, is there a service or product you want to offer people? Is there something along those lines that excites you?"

She paused and then said....

"That's the part I haven't figured out yet. I need your help with it. I have no idea what to sell and can't figure out a service I think people will really want."

OK, readers...so you're probably thinking right about now that my job as her coach was pretty straightforward. All I needed to do was brainstorm ideas with her and help uncover a potentially profitable product or service to offer. Then, she'd start her business and be off and running.

You're so logical! And, the truth is, most people might think along those same lines. Actually, Ruby thought the exact same thing many times which is why she hired me. After years of trying to crack this case with no luck, she thought I'd surely be able to help her pinpoint the focal point for a business.

Sure, we talked about possible business ideas. And, then we landed on her passion. Which, by the way, will give you the greatest chances of business success if you're brave enough to pursue a passion-based biz.

Her passion? Candles. She loved everything about them. So much so...she actually made her own candles most weekends, as a hobby. We're not just talking about a passing interest in candles...we're talking about a flaming desire for them. When Ruby talked about candles, SHE lit up. I could hear in her voice.

The PROBLEM here was this....

Ruby was externally motivated. She cared MORE about external sources of happiness (money, praise, becoming somebody, etc.) than she cared about her internal sources of happiness So, even though she loved making candles, she quickly dismissed the idea of opening a candle-related business when I suggested it.

"Oh no, it's just a hobby. I can't make serious money making candles! Plus, what will my colleagues think if I leave my job for a candle business Or, my parents. They didn't send me to business school to sell candles for a living. I think they'd really have a hard time with it."

However, many strong business minded people have built very profitable businesses around candles. Just exactly they same way a woman with a passion for "cookies" built Mrs. Field's Cookies into a national treasure.

By the way, do you think Debbie Fields was externally driven when she started her business? Do you think she wasted time thinking about what people would say about her if she sold cookies for a living? Probably not.

Allright, allright....I know you're wondering whatever became of my dear client Ruby.

For months, we worked on the SOURCE of her problem and didn't discuss her business idea at all! Yep, that's right. My first task was to help her BECOME less externally driven and more internally driven. Only then, would Ruby have a shot of true and lasting happiness with or without a successful business venture.

Here were some of her coaching assignments. Feel free to apply these to your own life if you want to transition from being externally driven to internally driven.

* Make a list of your "shoulds." What do you do mainly because you think you should or people expect you to?

* REMOVE one "should" each week. Start small, if necessary. For example, Ruby dressed a certain way at work (wore all black) since she thought people expected that. A simple change I suggested was to wear a red jacket and then eventually dress how she wanted. This was a very subtle way to make doing what she WANTED more important than what she thought people expected.

* Continue removing "shoulds" and tackle some biggies that feel scary or risky. In Ruby's case, I asked her to consider working from home one day a week since she could get more accomplished without office interruptions. This idea terrified her, even though she really wished she could make it a reality. But, she worried what people at work might say or how they'd judge her for not being in the office one day a week. Still, she gave it a try and found a way to deal with the minor backlash from her coworkers. We role played how to handle their jealousy without becoming unglued.

* Since Ruby frequently talked about her home and how expensive it was to maintain, it became evident she was living there since she thought she "should". She believed someone at her level at work SHOULD live in a certain part of town. But, what she really wanted was a loft. So, I asked her to move. Yes, this was a biggie! But, she did it. Even though some of her friends questioned her judgment, she forged ahead and moved into a more creative space.

The main objective is to notice HOW you're externally driven and HOW to turn it around. Once you do that, you'll find yourself caring more about what YOU think and what truly makes YOU happy.

AND, when you care more about what TRULY makes you happy and make choices from that vantage point, you'll create loads of momentum and success in your life.

Oh yeah....whatever happened to Ruby and her desire to start a biz?

Well, she never did. Instead, she evolved into the more creative field of advertising and public relations. She works for a small firm, wears what she wants, and has plenty of time to pursue her hobbies such as candle-making and travel. She's genuinely happy.

You see, she finally realized she didn't actually want to feel tied down to a business right now. Instead, she wanted more creativity, freedom and fun....at least for now.

I'm happy to report, she has all three....and a super cool loft.

I bet her homemade candles look incredible flickering in her windows at night.

The rest of her story is still unfolding.....

In the next edition of this newsletter, I'll talk about another common problem and source.

Stay tuned!

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4. Coaching Offer:
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WHEN YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT THE WORLD RESPONDS...

Using my catalog of goals in 8 areas of your life, you'll create a
master list of goals for the year. Then, you'll have email access to
your coach (me!) each week for support. Harness the power of focus.
$79/month http://kristincoachcourses.com/ee/index.php/getstarted/index/

CREATE ORDER AND BALANCE IN 90 Days...

If your life feels chaotic, overstuffed or complicated, you need this
course. 12 Weeks To An Amazing Life. $79/month.
http://kristincoachcourses.com/ee/index.php/getstarted/index/

LEARN HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LUCK FOREVER...

Accelerate the natural flow of your life so that you increase the
occurrence of synchronicity, leading to better timing and effortless
success. $79/month. The Attraction Approach:
http://kristincoachcourses.com/ee/index.php/getstarted/index/

PHONE COACHING - 1 or 2 spaces open for February!

If you'd like to begin phone coaching, please let me know what you
really want to see happen in your life and then we'll strategize the
best course of action. I charge $395 or $550/month depending on duration and frequency of calls.

email: KTcoaching@aol.com to inquire or arrange a sample session

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Ready to BECOME the highest version of yourself?

Kristin Taliaferro, MCC, is a life and career coach who THRIVES on
seeing people get exactly what they want out of life. BE WILLING to
reinvent yourself. BE OPEN to becoming the highest version of
yourself. You may be surprised by what you find.

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