Your Twice-Monthly
Dose of Sanity:

Used with permission.

A gastrointestinal nursery rhyme:

Mary had a little watch
She swallowed it one day.
She started taking laxatives
To pass the time away.

The laxatives they did not work
The watch it did not pass.
So if you want to know what time it is,
Just look up Mary’s father
(who also has a watch).

~ Special thanks to Linda Boyd LPN, Chesapeake VA

(_|_)

Get another dose of laughter at RFS' Daily Dose of Sanity or the wild colon humor site Crack U Up!

Got a funny medical joke or photo to share? Email it to us, and if we use it here, we'll give you credit!

Yes! I want my own subscription to Passionate HealthCare!

Even famous folk need a colonoscopy (although some of them seem a tad confused about the logistics of the procedure…)

More about those Signs Seen on Doors:

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading:
“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry & Proctology.”

The town fathers were not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to:
“Hysterias and Posteriors.”

This was not acceptable so they changed it again to:
“Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

No go, so they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.”

Thumbs down again, so up went: “Manic depressives and Anal-retentives.”

This didn’t fly, so here came:
“Minds and Behinds.” “Lost Souls and Assholes.” “Analysis and Anal Cysts.” “Queers and Rears.” “Nuts and Butts.” “Freaks and Cheeks.” “Loons and Moons” did not work either, so they finally settled on:

“Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones,
Odds and Ends.”

Medical Units of measurement you may not have known

1000 aches= 1 kilohurtz

One case of laryngitis= 1 hoarsepower... and of course...

Half of a large intestine= 1 semicolon

Passionate HealthCare:
Love Caregiving, Just For The Health of It!
www.RxForSanity.com Vol. 3, Issue No. 4
By subscription only! Please forward this ezine to any HCP (Health Care Professional) you know who needs to regain their joy in their career. Then they can sign up for their own subscription, as our gift!

Passionate HealthCare seeks to rekindle your joy in your medical career. Your only cost for this prescription? Please comment, complain or educate us twice a year at PLRaymond@RxForSanity.com.

Hello again, HCPs-

Pray excuse my irrational exuberance as we enter Colon Cancer Awareness Month, an excuse (but who really needs an excuse?) to celebrate all things intestinal!

For those not enterically inclined, you'll also find articles on rational product warning labels, caregiving on cruise ships, and werewolves--we strive for eclectic here. First, though, we'll test your knowledge of the wide world of bowels.

Please forward us to anyone you have a gut instinct about who might enjoy the whole poop!

Pat Raymond M.D. FACP FACG
Chief Enjoyment Officer, Rx For Sanity

 Yes! I want my own subscription to Passionate HealthCare!

Test your bowel IQ
by Butt Meddler aka PLR

Has anyone ever called you a smart *ss? Find out if it’s true!

1. The adult human has approximately ____ feet of large intestine.
a) 3 feet
b) 6 feet
c) 9 feet

2. The adult human has approximately ____ feet of small intestine.
a) 11 feet
b) 15 feet
c) 21 feet

3. The blue whale, the largest mammal on earth, has about ____ feet of large intestine and small intestines combined.
a) 200 feet
b) 400 feet
c) 600 feet

4. What percentage of folks at forty have a colon polyp?
a) 20 percent
b) 40 percent
c) 60 percent

5. How many calories do you consume on licking a stamp?
a) 0.1 calorie
b) 1.0 calorie
c) 10 calories

6. How far from the toilet do dentists recommend that you store your toothbrush, to avoid ‘airborne particles’ resulting from the flush?
a) At least six feet
b) At least nine feet
c) Store the toothbrush either covered or in another room.

7. The name of the Roman god or goddess of poop was:
a) There wasn’t one
b) Vesuvius
c) Cloacina.

8. The reason that the platypus is considered a unique mammal is:
a) It has a feathers and a bill, but is not a bird
b) It can breathe underwater, but has no gills.
c) It has combined sex organs and rectum

9. How long would you need to continuously pass wind in order to generate methane gas with the energy of an atomic bomb?
a) 6 years and 9 months
b) 12 years and 3 months
c) 25 years

10. When was the flush toilet invented?
a) Thomas Crapper, England, mid 1800s
b) William Flushington, England mid 1600s
c) Unknown inventor, Crete, 2000 BC

Bonus Point:
11. The 19th century French performer Petomaine was world famous for:
a) Belching music, including the French national anthem, while dancing
b) Eating metal objects (his claim to fame was in eating a bicycle, piece by piece, then passing it and later reassembling it)
c) Playing a flute inserted in his rectum.

Go to the bottom for the answers! And Send this edition to a buddy to assess their own bowel IQ!

Did you like today's article?
If you did, you'll love my book Don't Jettison Medicine, available at RxForSanity.com and Amazon.com.

Want to share some sanity in your medical newsletter? This article may be freely reprinted (see details at the bottom), and more of Dr. Raymond's most popular editorials are yours at Rx For Sanity Articles and at DontJettisonMedicine.com

Your Sanity Thought for the Day:

Practice safe eating- always use condiments.

A ‘Pat’ on the back to…

Michael Barrett, whose study on lycanthropy ran February 23rd in the San Antonio Express-News. His story Werewolf tales tied to folklore, medicine reads:

"How real are werewolves? You know, the whole routine about fangs and silver bullets and the full moon, and that rhyme delivered by a gypsy crone — "Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night can become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms and the moon shines bright."

Are these just the scary creatures made up in old movies like "The Wolf Man" and recycled in new movies like "Cursed" (opening Friday), or is there more to them? In fact, werewolves have a long and hairy history in culture and folklore, and people who suffer from lycanthropy (believing themselves to be animals) are taken seriously by medical science.

Many cultures have shape-shifting myths about people who turn into the local beast of prey. In ancient Greece, wolves were a problem and so stories of wolfmen abounded, related to stories of children raised by wolves and other animals. The twin phenomena of feral children and lycanthropy continued into the 20th century, with a particular upsurge in medieval Europe. Peter Stubb in 1580s Germany and Jean Grenier in 1603 France were apparently serial killers who claimed to turn into wolves.

Dr. Patricia Raymond, host of NPR's "Housecalls," believes a rare liver condition called porphyria led to stories of lycanthropy. Patients have manic episodes and serious hair growth.

"I've seen a case while I was in training," Raymond says. "It's unusual, and treated mainly with diet and avoidance of pharmaceuticals." "

This is all the mention I get in the article, but you can read the whole at http://www.mysanantonio.com/entertainment/movies/stories/MYSA022305.1P.werewolves.d2674a38.html

A Special Invitation to Our Periscopic Party

In honor of colon cancer awareness month, I invite you to get the Crack U Up Party Pack, a great ‘over the hill’ party gift, and humorously lead your friends to get their vital and life-saving colonoscopy.

Each Party Pack includes:

• THREE copies of Colonoscopy: It’ll Crack U Up, a comprehensive yet pocket-sized 56 page colonoscopy joke anthology featuring the finest in inoffensive bottom humor. They get one to keep and two to share!
• THREE pin-on lapel Butt-ons- reminding strangers you pass on the street to flash their vertical smile for colon cancer screening
• One colorful canvas tote bag imprinted with the Crack U Up logo, designed to make you the envy of your lunch bunch

Who Needs a Crack U Up Party Pack?

A great gag gift for an ‘over the hill’ birthday party!

• ANY/EVERY one at their fiftieth birthday.
• ANY/EVERY one who has a friend with colon cancer
• ANY/EVERY doctor, nurse, or health care professional involved in the colonoscopy procedure
• In fact, ANY/EVERY one with a (_|_)!

Bottom line… how much is your friends’ good health worth to you?

How about just $25 for all this! It’s an ‘over the hill’ gag gift bargain!

Yes, I can't wait another minute!
Deliver my Crack U Up Party Pack directly to my door!

Cruise care- Wonder if they have any openings?

Northwestern University physicians Lee Lindquist and Robert Golub have christened a new model for old-age living. Called "cruise ship care," seniors requiring minimal care would live permanently on cruise ships. With services comparable to, or better than, long-term living facilities, seniors could partake in hearty buffets, 24/7 medical care, regular new faces, and social activities galore. In comparing the costs of assisted living facilities and cruise ships for more than 20 years (including illnesses and treatments), Lindquist and Golub found that living on a ship costs about $2,000 more ($230,000 vs. $228,000) than facility living. But cruise ships also offer a higher quality of living. I wonder if they need a seafaring gastroenterologist? Read more about it!

Remember those absurd warning labels last issue?

At least these guys are telling it straight. Bravo to the the group at Fitterfirst, the makers of the "Bongo Board", whose warning label states: "Ice is slippery. Life is risky. Bones break. In life, as with this product, accept only the level of risk that you can handle competently."

Good words to live by, even if you don't have your own Bongo Board.

What is your bowel IQ?

 Please start sending my own subscription to Passionate HealthCare

Mock medical music

Last issue, we featured ”Working Where The Sun Don’t Shine”, The Colorectal Surgeon’s Song. Joe S. of Florida writes:

"Thank you for your help in finding the hillarious "Music for a Colonoscopy". As I mentioned earlier an ole Army buddy of mine sent this to me, forgetting that I had surgery for colon cancer in 2001 + appliance, etc., I will soon have my third test in early Oct. (a flexible sigmoidoscopy if my limited medical terminology is correct.)

If only I took short-hand so I could have the lyrics . By-the-way, hoping not to impose on you...but do you have the lyrics ? I have managed to write about ½-¾ of them down.

Thank you again for your help. Your humorous titles, on the internet were excellent & hopefully they will shed a different light on those who postpone having a colonoscopy or maybe a sigmoidoscopy after displaying some of the symptoms associated with pre-cancerous colon."

Ask and ye shall receive, Joe. Here are the lyrics of ”Working Where The Sun Don’t Shine”, The Colorectal Surgeon’s Song, as performed by singers George Bowser and Ricky Blue at the Annual Meeting of the American Society of Colorectal Surgeons in 1995:

If you have more mock medical music to share, flip the website address, wav file, or lyrics to us, and we'll credit you!

If you enjoyed this edition, Send it to a friend or colleague!

It's time to go!

Gastroenterologist, broadcaster, speaker, and writer Patricia L. Raymond MD FACP FACG of Rx For Sanity is author of "Don't Jettison Medicine! Resuscitate Your Passion For The Career You Loved". DJM is a joyous workbook of thirty exercises that will help to resuscitate your passion for caregiving. It's available, along with her unique joke anthology "Colonoscopy: It'll Crack U Up!" at the Sanity Store at www.RxForSanity.com or at Amazon.com.

She is a frequent speaker and workshop leader at national and international conventions, teaching medical caregivers techniques of self-care. As host of NPR's regional live radio program, "Housecalls", she encourages our patients to step up and accept responsibility for their own health, every Friday at noon (EST). You can tune in for live streaming audio!

Attention Meeting Planners! Scheduled already into late 2005, Dr. Raymond brings her passionate message to "Health Yourself" to conventions, local and regional meetings and Grand Rounds. Keep her in mind- even if you have a last minute cancellation. Dr. Pat Raymond delivers high-content, interactive programs that are lots of fun. She gives away great door prizes. And, most importantly, she will make you look good. Call 757-547-0368, write PLRaymond@RxForSanity.com or visit www.RxForSanity.com for details on her programs!

Dr Raymond's Upcoming Seminar Schedule: Will she be in your neighborhood?
Richmond VA 03/04/05
Ft Lauderdale FL 03/12/05
Miami FL 03/26/05
Saratoga NY 04/08-10/05
Springfield MO 04/30/05
Sacramento CA 05/12-13/05
Minneapolis MN 05/15-16/05

  Tell a friend about our nifty website, Rx For Sanity!

What're you waiting for? Gimmee Passionate HealthCare!