| THE
SPUTUM SONG (From rtlyrics.com)
Based on "The Christmas Song" written by Mel Torme and Robert
Wells
Sputum thicker than a rubber tire
Green snot dripping from a nose
These are things that we’ve come to admire
In the profession that we chose
Everybody knows how quickly doctors turn and go
When a goober’s in mid-flight
They will say that they just do not know
How we can do it day and night
It always seems to be that way
Other departments wonder how we spend our day
They always look at us with great big eyes
And say that sputum’s the one thing they despise
And so by now we’re sure you’re wondering
What all of this is leading to
The point of it is we believe as a group
Better sputum
Than poo
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like
Christmas
Based on "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" written
by Meredith Wilson
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Up and down the hall
All the lungers are in again
Calling and asking when
They get their next dose of Albuterol
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Coughing everywhere
And the wonderful smell of flu
Plus a G.I. bleed that's new
Permeates the air
The pair of infants in 3 both have got RSV
And their treatments are due at ten
Both of my vents spouses' have signed consents
To have their CT scans again
And now the lab says I must collect 3 more cups of phlegm
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Up and down the place
All the nurses' stations have treats
Cookies and chocolate eats
The perfect time for you to stuff your face
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
What a holiday
But the thing that makes it all right
Is right up until midnight
I get double pay
I get double pay
If your hospital or office collegues have composed any fun holiday Mock
Medical Music, please share with us with us at PLRaymond@RxForSanity.com,
and we'll credit you!
Best Holiday
Wishes from our own B*tt Meddler
So you don't think I've strayed too far from my Gastroenterology roots....
Prep Dreams ( to the
tune of Blue “Christmas”)
By B*tt Meddler aka Pat Raymond MD
I‘d like a clean colon without poo
No feces to hinder my rear view.
Detection of a polyp in your body cavity
Won’t be a cinch dear, ‘cause I can’t hardly see!
Noncompliant with your prep, that’s certain
Given all the brown stuff you’re still spurting.
Now we’re doing ok, enemas cleared our way
So I can proceed with inserting.
Post Colon Holiday Release Song
( To the tune of “Let it Snow!”)
By B*tt Meddler aka Pat Raymond MD
Oh, your colon inside was sparklin’
But my dear, you’re still not fart’lin,
You look like you’re about to blow!
So let it go, let it go, let it go!
When we discharge you from the suite
You go out to the cold and the damp.
If you keep your sphincter tight,
All the way home you will cramp!
The time it is surely passing
As you begin out-gassing
As your gas escapes way down low…
Way to go, way to go, way to go!
And last years submission from Cindy Glendenning of PACU South, Cox
Health offers up the "Twelve Days of PACU" (to the tune ck
the Halls, of course!)
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Don me now our waterproof apparel
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Shoe covers, gowns and gloves
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Eye protectors, masks or shields
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Vacuum suction is our pleasure
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Scleroneedles and GI banders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Epinephrine or Morrhuate
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Stop the bleeding that's our goal
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Send them home right and whole
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Tis the season for GI bleeders
Fa la la la la la la la la.
JCAHO is Coming to Town
You better watch out
And keep a sharp eye
There's tension about
And I'll tell you why
JCAHO is coming to town
They've got a long list
Clear and concise
If you don't buck up
We'll all pay the price
Inspectors are coming to town
Check your documentation
There is a lot at stake
Show them all that you're on the ball
And don't make a dumb mistake
So put on your name tag
And wear a big smile
If that doesn't work
Then get by with your guile
JCAHO is coming to town
Get another dose of laughter at RFS' Daily Dose of Sanity or the wild
colon humor site Colonoscopyjoke.com!
If you have any fun Mock Medical Music, please share
with us with us at PLRaymond@RxForSanity.com,
and we'll credit you!
I'm Dreading This Year's Lite Christmas
by Tim Mayfield
Parody of "White Christmas" based on the performance by Bing
Crosby
The elves are munching on rich ice cream
They eat sweet snacks all day
And Santa has come to say
The deer are all gorged on hay
But I will tell you for what it's worth
They're all worried about my girth
I'm dreading this year's lite Christmas
Not like the ones I used to know
Where the sweets are missing
This party's christened
Ensure mixed with mistletoe
I'm fuming over lite Christmas
So what if my suit fits too tight
Or the sleigh's not feeling too light
I say starving Santa Claus ain't right
I'm scheming an un-lite Christmas
I'm stashing Hostess ho-ho-hos
Keep the Mrs. guessing
Or be regretting
She'll find arrows for those bows
I'm hungry from this lite Christmas
It's not the season we should fight
But if folks ain't aiding my plight
There'll be no nice presents left tonight
And if you'd help Santa, I might
Leave some Christmas Day North Pole invites
(spoken)
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Thanks Kids!
Glad you could help Santa.
Now let's see, there's candy canes, brownies,
pie, cake, cookies, egg nog, jello.. Jello?
Jello is NOT a Christmas snack.
Who left the jello?
You're going on my naughty list.
THE BREATHING TREATMENT PLOY
Based on “The Little Drummer Boy” by Katherine Davis, Henry
Onorati, and Harry Simeone
Come they told me (cough and production)
We have a new Q3 (cough and production)
He needs his therapy (cough and production)
Needs it ASAP (Cough choke hack and spit
Man he won’t quit
He’s having fits
Won’t you hurry now (expectoration)
CCU one
I grabbed a neb (wheeze rhonchi and rales)
I bypassed the Sure-Med (wheeze rhonchi and rales)
I had a Ventolin (wheeze rhonchi and rales)
To quickly give to him (Rales rhonchi and wheeze
Throw in a sneeze
Snot thick as cheese)
I was ready now (expectoration)
To help him out
I proceeded (thick gobs of sputum)
To where I was needed (thick gobs of sputum)
I opened up the door (thick gobs of sputum)
And almost hit he floor (Cough cough cough cough cough)
Cough cough cough cough)
Cough cough cough cough)
Then he smiled at me (my body went numb)
It was Don
I don't wish to leave out our Jewish buds from the fun and frolic...
but rats! I can't find the parody of the dreidel song "I had
a little polyp, the doctor took it out...". Can anyone help?
This years Potuck Winner: Spinach
Florentine
Last year we made brown rice and broccoli cassarole for all those
potlucks--- both healthy & tasty! An even tastier recipe, that
feeds YOUR need as a HCP to bring fit food to the festivities:
1 pound sliced & sautéed mushrooms (drain & discard
fluid)
2 packages frozen chopped spinach, heated and drained (squeeze out
fluid)
1 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped onion
¼ c butter, melted
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
Additional garlic salt & pepper to taste
Grease 10” pie pan. Mix cooked & drained spinach with onions,
melted butter, 1 tsp garlic salt. Place in pie pan and press into
walls (like crust). Sprinkle top with ½ cup cheese. Place sautéed
mushrooms on top, sprinkle with garlic salt & pepper, and top
with remaining cheese. (May refrigerate at this stage.) Bake at 350
degrees for 20 minutes. Substitute olive or cannola oil for the butter
and use 2% cheese for even more health, but no less taste!
|
P@ssionate
HealthCare, 
