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October 2003
In This Issue:
The Quickest Way
to Get What You Want
Did you ever wonder why people with a strong sense of presence always seem to get what they want? It's quite simple, really--they know what they want, and they ask for it. When we were in grade school, sometimes we were afraid to raise our hands and ask questions. "I'll look stupid," we may have thought. "What will everybody else think?" That fear of embarrassment may have carried over from the classroom into many aspects of our lives. We may be afraid to ask for lots of things--from directions to advice to a salary increase. Why is asking so difficult? Many times we convince ourselves that by requesting another person's help or support we'll appear incapable or, worse, be rejected. While there are no guarantees, one thing is certain: if we don't ask, we may never get what we want. In my experience, asking has paved the way for some of the greatest adventures of my life. In college, I asked a cute guy to go out on a date. He accepted--and now we're approaching our 17th wedding anniversary. When I wanted a more flexible work schedule in a former job, I asked for it--and was the first person in the department's history to be allowed to arrive and leave earlier three days a week (The reason I was the first? I was the first to ask!) When I wanted to start leading wellness seminars at the hospital where I used to work, I asked the training director--and started teaching a few months later. When I wanted to get my first book published, I asked more than 20 publishers. It only took one "yes" to land a contract. Just last year, when I wanted to create a unique team-building program, I asked a friend who is a personal chef if she would be interested in co-facilitating a class around the preparation of a gourmet, four-course meal. She enthusiastically agreed. Since then we've organized several successful events, as well as gained local and national media exposure on the program. To achieve the best results when you make a request: Be direct. Don't complain of a sore back, ask for a back rub! Don't complain because you are overloaded with work. Ask a coworker for assistance or ask your boss to help you prioritize. Believe it or not, most people don't instinctively know what you need. On a radio interview, a talk show host once asked me, "Shouldn't my husband just know when the trash needs to be taken out? Why do I have to ask him?" I replied, "Because you want the trash to be taken out, that's why!" Be gracious. Treat your request as though you are asking for someone's expertise. Everyone likes to feel valued and needed. And be sure to follow-up with a sincere gesture of thanks. We deny our own importance when we don't ask for what we want or what we need to know. To actualize the ancient philosophy of manifestation, you must consistently ask for what you want out of life. If you ask, believe, wait patiently for the outcome and appreciate whatever gifts you receive, you will reap rewards beyond measure.
I'm Asking for Your HelpHow's that for a segue? Yes, I need your help--and I'm about to ask for it. For the past couple years, many of you have asked me when I will start work on my next book. The answer is NOW! I am in the process of fine-tuning my concept and would greatly appreciate your input. Please answer any or all of the following questions:
- If the next self-help book you buy could solve any personal or professional problem, what would that problem be?
- What daily challenges keep you from experiencing less stress and more satisfaction?
- Is there something in your life that's holding you back--an attitude, commitment, job, circumstance, relationship or belief that you can't seem to let go? If yes, what is it and why is it so hard to let go? --OR-- Have you ever let go or said "no" to something--and the letting go paved the way for much more satisfaction and greater opportunities in your personal or professional life? If so, what did you let go, and what positive results occurred?
For each response I receive over the next month, I will donate $.25 to a wonderful organization called The Smile Train, which provides free cleft surgery to children around the world who would otherwise never receive it. This surgery can help youngsters eat and speak properly, attend school, find a job and, most important, smile! Check it out at www.smiletrain.org. I also encourage you to pass this newsletter and my request on to others who may like to respond. I'd love nothing more than to write a nice, big check! Thanks in advance for taking the time to offer your input.
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Monthly Momentum
I loathe the idea of being powerless.
-Mary Beth Edelson When I was just getting started, someone told me, if you make ten calls a day you are bound to get work. I made twenty.
-Sam Grey If you and I exchange a dollar, we still have only one dollar a piece. But, if we exchange ideas, you have two ideas and I have two ideas.
-Dan Zandra The one who asks questions doesn't lose his way.
-Akan proverb People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.
-George Bernard Shaw
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