June 2004
In This Issue:
Working at Your Edge of Discomfort
In my coaching practice and in my observations of people's lives in general, I find that we often make the same mistakes over and over again when we're facing a challenge. We overlook the obvious change that needs to be made to move us forward to a more positive place. If you continually find yourself facing the same types of problems again and again, you're stuck in what I call a pattern of persistent challenges. You've probably heard that one of the definitions of insanity is always doing the same thing and expecting a different result—that's what we're talking about here. It's like the writing is on the wall, but it's written in invisible ink, so we choose to ignore it.
Problem is, when we face a challenge, we're often acting on our survival instincts. This means we're acting from a place of fear. One expert on fear management estimates that we each have about 66,000 thoughts a day and two-thirds of them are fear-based. These fears come in two basic forms—fear of the unknown and fear of conflict. This fear makes it easy for us to make decisions that do not serve us well. We may be afraid of failure, so we focus on not failing instead of focusing on the best way to do something. We may be afraid of conflict, so we focus on avoiding conflict instead of on building meaningful relationships. Or we may be afraid of embarrassing ourselves, so we focus on a way to save face, rather than what's best for the company or the people we serve. By continuing to overlook the obvious, our challenges will keep coming back for more. I've heard it said that how we leave a situation is how we enter another one—which means that the cycle just continues. Then you'll be left wondering, "Why do these things always happen to me?" When you find yourself saying that, you're likely in a pattern of persistent challenges. It's a sign that you need to look at things differently and make a change in the way you're dealing with those problems. Make no mistake—doing what's obvious does not mean doing what's easy. Because often the obvious change we need to make is sitting just outside our comfort zone—and to step outside those safe boundaries requires courage. The first step is to be aware that you need to make a change. The second is to be able to embrace that change. And the third is to push your limits. I am also a certified personal fitness trainer, and people often come up to me in the gym and tell me that they're at a plateau. They're not seeing any new results in their weight loss efforts or in their body shape. I tell them to get beyond that, they're going to have to start making changes in their workout routine—trying new exercises, increasing the intensity of their cardio or adding weight to their strength-training regimen. In other words, shaking it up and pushing themselves a little harder than they've become accustomed to. In the fitness industry, we call this working at your "edge of discomfort," but the same theory works in any area of your life. To achieve better results, you must first identify your growth edges. These are the times when you know what is the "right thing to do," but have found yourself unable to do it. To grow and improve, you must allow yourself to go to the place where you feel a little fear, a little anxiety—but still have the courage to take actions that push you past your previous limits. Only by pushing yourself beyond these limits can your limits expand. Where are you experiencing the same types of challenges again and again? What obvious solution may you be overlooking? Read the writing on the wall. Become engaged in the process, knowing that making the change (even if it's scary or uncomfortable) will move you in the right direction. Then, take the leap to expand your experience of life.
When You Find Yourself in a Hole,
Stop Digging!Portia Nelson, a renaissance woman who listed actress, singer, composer, painter and photographer among her credits, passed away this past March at age 80. She left behind a legacy of work that will inspire generations for years to come. One of her writings that I will always hold dear is the infamous Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. It is a wonderful illustration of how we can move from a place of fear and blame to a place of awareness and action in our lives. Read it here.
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