February 2004
In This Issue:
Be Your Own Valentine
My husband often says to me, "I don’t know how you can look so good when you wake up in the morning. It’s just not fair." Of course, when I look at myself in the mirror, I have to reply, "You must be joking!" Yes, my husband is a great guy. But I, too, admit that I never wake up and look at him and think, "Gosh, he really looks like crap today!" That’s because I love him. Even if his pajama pants are ratty and his hair is askew, all I see is the wonderful man I married almost 18 (gulp!) years ago. This situation leads me to ask, "Why can’t we give the same unconditional love to ourselves?" Because we’re not worthy, beautiful, skinny, nice or whatever other criticisms we carelessly throw our way? Today—Valentine’s Day—I ask that we put an end to this nonsense. While you’re out selecting a gift for your sweetie, take a little time to shower yourself with affection, too. Here are the two best ways to do it—with some useful resources to help. 1) Show forgiveness and compassion to that person in the mirror. Making mistakes is not the crime. The crime is letting your mistakes stop you from seeing your true magnificence. A friend recently wrote to me, "I read somewhere that peacocks get their beautiful colors from swallowing nettles and thorns. What a wonderful idea that the harsh things in our lives can make us beautiful. I ask God to help me with this and to make me a more loving, caring person because I now know through experience how much hurt people can carry around. There are so many walking wounded out there." If you count yourself among the walking wounded (and who at some point doesn't?), muster the courage to let go of your mistakes. There is no benefit in feeling regret or guilt. These are energies and emotions that weaken you. There is benefit to moving forward and making the powerful contribution to this world that only you can make. Recommended Resource: The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom - This fictional story by the best-selling author of Tuesdays with Morrie shows that, no matter how insignificant you think you are, no matter how many mistakes you think you’ve make, you still touch the lives of countless people in surprising ways. A true delight! Find out more here. 2) Put yourself first. Yes, you heard me! And for crying out loud, when will you ever take this advice? I say now is the time! Research now shows what all of us self-care proponents have been saying for a long time: that when you first give yourself the gifts of time, love, energy and joy, you will have so much more to give to your loved ones, your job and your community. After all, who can give away what they don’t have to give to themselves? Recommended Resource: The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz - This is the first book I’ve read that makes a compelling business case for honing the "soft skills" of self care. Backed by 25 years of experience working with elite athletes and, more recently, with top executives, physicians, FBI swat teams and more, the authors assert that managing energy, not time, is the key to sustained high performance, as well as to health, happiness and life balance. Also comes in a convenient audio CD version. Check it out here.
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