Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 6, Issue IX
September 2005
Welcome!
Hearing is Part of ListeningHearing is the first step to listening. Real listening is an active process that has three basic stages; hearing, understanding, and judging. Our first goal as listeners is to hear what is being shared. Hearing just means we are able to repeat back the facts. You’ve heard the report on your Mrs. Jones and you can repeat the details. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. Another example, would be listening to a program about zebras where the speaker points out that no two are alike. If you can repeat that fact, then you have heard what has been said. Understanding is the next part of listening that happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. After report on Mrs. Jones you wonder if what you heard means that she is deteriorating. Let's go back to that report on zebras. Hearing that no two are alike; you think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra." Next, judging occurs after you are sure you understand what the speaker has said and think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You may decide that you will check Mrs. Jones right after report because it doesn’t sound like what you saw yesterday. Again, going back to the zebra story, you might think, "Could the stripes be different on every zebra? And then you remember, fingerprints are different for every person and think it seems believable." In order to have effective communication it is also crucial to understand your personal approach to listening. Though we all have a natural or preferred approach to listening, we need to learn different approaches for specific situations. Sometimes our focus for listening is just to relax and enjoy the process. Other times we need to acquire knowledge, so we must concentrate and pay attention to details. Still other times we need to make a decision and analyze information to chose among options. The environment affects us along with our purpose and motivation. Additionally, our response indicates that we are getting the information being sent. The personal listening profile from Inscape Publishing has identified five different approaches to listening known as appreciative, empathic, comprehensive, discerning, and evaluative. Developing the ability to use all approaches is indispensable. If you were at a concert, listening to an inspirational speaker, in a conversation, or pleasurable event you would want to have an appreciative approach to listening. Your focus would be on enjoying and relaxing. You’d be motivated solely to be entertained and inspired so you laugh and enjoy yourself. You would pay attention to the context and style of the presentation. Language and humor would be important along with the speaker making you feel good. If a friend or patient were sharing their frustrations with you the empathic listening method would be most fitting. You would want to be focused on being supportive and listen to the feelings and emotions that are revealed. Affording an opportunity for that person to express thoughts and feelings in a nonjudgmental environment. You would ask open-ended questions or remain silent to let the other person know that they were cared about and you were interested. Resisting any urge to impose your thoughts or give direction until well into the conversation you would allow the individual to come up with his or her own solutions wherever possible. And act as a sounding board rather than an air traffic controller. When you are in a situation where you need to make a decision you’d be looking for information to make a determination and that requires a comprehensive listening approach. Your focus would be on organizing and summarizing the information you are hearing. Relating the new facts to personal experience and seeing how they relate to what you need to do. You would decipher the rationale for the speaker’s argument and listen for the main points and supporting ideas. During a discussion you would elaborate on what had been said. You would ask appropriate questions for clarification, bring up related issues, and summarize what you heard. You might also be preparing yourself to share this information with others. During the process of learning something new you want to discern while listening to make sure you are getting all the information. As a discerning listener you want to know the main message and focus closely on the presentation or conversation. Your motivation would be to sort out the details, decide what is important, and make sure nothing is missed. Taking notes, asking questions, eliminating distractions, concentrating, and repeating for confirmation are key components for discerning listening. There are times when evaluating while listening is important. If you need to make a decision in the case of choosing a candidate for an election and not sure if the information is true so you’d be skeptical of what is being said. In this situation your motivation is to relate what is being heard to their personal beliefs. Questioning the sender’s motives and looking for supporting facts for what you are hearing. You may respond selectively, stop listening, or even mentally give the sender advice at times. During elections many people were involved in serious debate within themselves over the facts and often engage in attempts to persuade others to see their views. No matter what kind of approach you take to listening, what you hear passes through your filter or belief system. Challenging your beliefs is a worthwhile pursuit.
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you.
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