Young Thoughts
Volume 7, Issue V
May 2006
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Tips For Being a Good Listener
Complementary Coaching
On The Lighter Side
Tips For Being a Good Listener This week I have found that many of my nurse clients have been working on having better relationships at work and home. Improving relationships requires having good listening skills. Sometimes we need to get information to clarify why things are the way they are at work. Other times we want to understand how our family members or spouse came to make the decisions they made. I recently found myself engaged in a disagreement with one of my sisters over an upcoming party she is planning. In general, I don't like having people bring food to parties and she does. She was trying to tell me about what she was going to provide and presented it as a statement about what I wasn't allowed to bring. I asked her if she was going to make us bring the food and tell us what to bring as well. She got upset and left. A simple little thing like planning a party can result in a huge break between people with different opinions. Sometimes we just have to step back from the situation and evaluate. I realized since then how important listening is to sharing and receiving information. Great relationships are founded on good communication starting with listening. There are some very basic things to remember when having a conversation, no matter who it is with. First, give your full attention to the person who is speaking. It may seem obvious to say, but don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room. Make sure your mind is focused on what the speaker is saying. It is easy for your mind to wander. You are always already listening for what you expect to hear so you often think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker and the speaker's words.
Next, let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are. Also, let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next. Listen for what the speaker is really trying to say. Identify the main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..." Ask questions. If you're not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It's a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure you have the correct understanding. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
Give feedback. Look directly at the speaker and nod to show that you hear them. Use facial expressions. Smile, frown, laugh, or be silent appropriately. Let the speaker know that you are really listening.
Complementary CoachingThe four stages of my coaching consist of identifying where you want to go in relation to where you are now. Crystallizing a S.M.A.R.T goal that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-specific. Next, creating a belief that you can achieve your goal. Then making a plan with action steps to accomplish your goal. Lastly, helping you stay focused on your plan until your goal is achieved. Complementary coaching sessions give you an opportunity to you set a short term goal and create action steps while we get to know each other and it gives you a chance to decide if you would like to hire me as your coach. Imagine having your dream reality. What would it feel like if you had what you really want? How would you wake up everyday? How would it feel? Would you be joyful and free? What would it be like? What would it be worth to you? Now think five years into the future. How would your life look if you don’t get what you want? What would your almost certain future look like if you don’t do anything? How would that feel? Do you want to accept that as your reality? I presently have openings in my coaching practice. Contact me by May 7, 2006 and I will give you a complementary coaching session. Call me at 757 624-9603 or 800 673-8005. You can also reach me by e-mail at Doris@DorisYoungAssosiciates.com
Doctor Charting Bloopers Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. Father died in his 90's of female trouble in his prostate and kidneys. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. Vomiting of unknown origin. Admitted in error. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. If he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years it comes and goes.
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