Young Thoughts
Volume 7, Issue VI
June 2006
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Building Confidence
On The Lighter Side
Building ConfidenceWhen I was a new ER nurse I worked with a nurse named Jane who was able to take the lead in any situation. She was the person I most wanted to be like. She was kind yet firm and she knew what needed to be done and did it without hesitation. She had the ability to instill assurance in me just by being around her. I knew all would be well if Jane was around and I always wanted to have that affect on others as well. Jane had the wonderful characteristic of confidence. Confidence is being positive about what you can do without distressing about what you can’t. Confident people have positive attitudes and realistic views of themselves and their situations. They are open to learning because they are eager to expand their knowledge about themselves and others. They trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect. Having confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Confident people have expectations that are realistic. They do not concentrate on their weaknesses; they develop and maximize their strengths. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and accept themselves and others. People who are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted. Confidence is not necessarily a characteristic in every aspects of a person's life. Most people have some areas of their lives where they feel quite confident like academics or athletics while others where they don’t feel at all confident like playing the piano or using the computer. Amazingly, lack of confidence is not always related to lack of ability. Instead it is often the result of focusing on the negative opinions and unrealistic standards of others, especially parents, family, and friends. To build and maintain confidence we must let go of the assumption of needing the approval of all the significant people in our lives. It is much more realistic to recognize and develop our own values and standard to live our lives by. In order to develop confidence it is important to let go of the thought of being totally competent in every aspects of your life. You can build confidence by identifying your strengths and building on them rather than concentrating on overcoming your weaknesses. If you have an existing skill of writing for example, you can bring your writing ability from a 7 to 8 or 9 by taking a course or putting in some effort. On the other hand, if you took a weakness like playing the piano you might go from a 4 to 5 or 6 with a tremendous amount of hard work and very little return on investment. How confident would you feel about playing the piano at a 5 or 6 skill level? To build confidence it’s important to let go of the past. People often think that the past controls their feelings and behaviors in the present. The truth is that our parents and childhood situations did mold our beliefs. However, the meaning we placed on the events in our lives were created by our interpretation of them and we have the opportunity to look at things from a new perspective and create new possibilities. In closing, try focusing on giving yourself credit, taking risks, use positive self-talk, and learn to evaluate yourself independent of others. Step I: Give yourself credit for everything you try. Focusing on what you can do and congratulate yourself for effort rather than the end results or products. Let go of the “should do” kind of thinking that creates limits. Step II: Take Risks and approach new experiences as opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win or lose. Turn every opportunity into a possibility of personal growth. Open yourself to new possibilities and increase your sense of self-acceptance. Step III: Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter negative assumptions. Catch yourself expecting perfection and remind yourself that everything you do is worth doing well. Accept yourself while still striving to improve.
Step IV: Learn to self-evaluate independently. Avoid the constant turmoil that comes from the opinions of others. Focus internally on your own behavior or work and eliminates giving your personal power away to others.
On the Lighter Side
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm really sorry, folks. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked . . . . . . "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
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