Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 7 Issue XI
November, 2006
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IN THIS ISSUE
Book Signing
Creating Win-Win Solutions
On The Lighter Side
Book SigningSave the First Dance for You - The Complete Nurse's Guide to
Serving Your Profession, Your Patients, and Yourself
Meet the Author--
Doris L. Young, PhD, RN
Book Signing:
Thursday, November 9, 5-6:30 p.m. Nurse burnout and turnover is a serious issue facing America's healthcare system. Doris Young has been a nurse for more than three decades and has seen the problem first hand in surgical and trauma units and behavioral units at major hospitals. Now the healthcare coach and speaker hopes to teach other nurses how to deal with stress and experience fulfillment in their work and personal lives, and advise healthcare administrators about the problem. Young lays out in ten chapters practical coping techniques she's developed for nurses facing the challenges of today's hectic healthcare workplace and demanding home lives. Prince Books
109 E. Main Street
prince.books@verizon.net
Norfolk, VA 23510
757-622-9223
Store hours:
Mon-Fri.: 9am-7pm
Saturday: 10am-7pm
Sunday: 11am-5pm
Creating Win-Win SolutionsI had the great pleasure of speaking to the Virginia Organization of Nurse Executives this month. It is an honor and a privilege to be in the presence of our nursing leadership in Virginia. It gave me great hope for the future of nursing and healthcare to see the strength and wisdom within this group. We began a discussion about how to deal effectively with the stress that is so pervasive within our profession. We looked at underlying cause of our loss of our power as nurses and the elements that are necessary to sustain our power. Creating an environment for win-win solutions will lead to better relationships and create an environment for lasting loyalty. When people believe they can achieve their desired outcome they don't give up until they win. Unfortunately, most people give up to soon. They believe they’re going to lose and in fact they do because they stop too soon. Perseverance starts with our belief system. We must believe that our goal is worthwhile and we have what it takes to make it happen. If we want to produce a win-win result we must also believe that the other person we’re dealing with should win. Some people believe they must win at any cost because to do anything else would make them a failure. It isn’t easy for them to see that outcomes can be win-win if discussions continue until everyone's wins. All people can adjust if their partners don’t give up until everyone wins. The first step toward a win-win outcome is for both people to notice if they are comfortable with the end result. If someone gives-in because of pressure, feeling guilty, or to appease, the results won’t be win-win. Many of us have been groomed to think that there must be a loser if there is a winner. We have power struggles in our personal lives with our spouse and children. We have them at work with our direct reports, our boss, our peers, and we don't see the possibility of another way. It often seems easier if someone else makes the decision and we don't have to deal with conflict. Hence, we comply with the wishes of others. There are also those on the other side who think no one else can make as good decisions so they take charge. The process of accepting the win-lose position happens slowly. It's comfortable to accommodate the needs of others for many people until one day they need or want something important they don’t get. They might come home excited about a promotion they’ve waited for and their spouse wants to know what’s for dinner. They may ask for a week off for their wedding and their boss tells them two other people have requested off and doesn’t know how to accommodate their request. It doesn’t matter what triggers the awareness, the important thing is that we become conscious that we are missing from the equation. Once a person becomes cognizant that something is wrong with the picture of his or her life, he or she starts wondering what’s next. The individual wants to be treated better, have more supportive relationships, and receive things that are important, or work out issues to satisfactory conclusion. Anger at the other people’s treatment may seem logical, but it's not productive in and of itself. However, anger can be an ally that helps you know you're not satisfied with the solution so in that way it can be helpful. When one thinks others should be more respectful, better listeners, or take more responsibility, he or she may wonder why others don’t see it themselves? In reality trying to get others to change or understand is a major waste of time. Creating win-win result don’t happen that way. Next, you may get in touch with your fear of rocking the boat. No one could force you to do something if you didn’t go along. It is our grooming that makes us think that we should do something if people ask us to. You may not realize that going along was all you've ever known so you think you must. This can be completely hidden from you. You have unconsciously gone along all your life and other people unconsciously expected you to do so. Is anyone bad here? How can you be bad if you don’t know? It’s natural for people to ask the most receptive person to do things. If you stop doing what you don’t want to do you'll become more comfortable giving an honest answer. To want other people to stop asking is handing over your power to others. To want them to only ask for reasonable things also gives away your power. We think other people should know how to treat us and we fear what will happen if we stand up for ourselves or say no. Fear is the number one obstacle to achieving ones goals. We learn to fear all kinds of things very early in life. We fear failure, rejection, loneliness, embarrassment, judgment, and even success. Fear causes a repetitive response to situations with behavior patterns that really don’t serve us and we have no idea this is happening. We can’t seem to stop repeating the same behaviors because they're habits and our conscious mind has an affinity for keeping the wheels turning in the direction we're headed. People may only become aware of all their fears when they stop looking for others to fix the problem. Our quest for something is what drives us and gets us out of bed everyday. A dream becomes a reality when we see it on the horizon and go after it. You’ve got to believe you can have a win-win relationship with your boss, your peers, you spouse, your family, and friends before you’ll go after it. You have to believe it is worthwhile having. You have to continue to believe it can happen in order to put the effort into achieving it. When we believe it we will see it. Win-win results do happen. They happen all the time to people who don't shy from conflict. To people who continue the conversation until an agreeable solution is uncovered. Success is the result of win-win solutions. It's reinforced with each positive result. Win-win solutions are the foundation for lasting commitments and loyalty within an organization. Contact Doris Young, PhD, RN at 757 624-9603 or Doris@DorisYoungAssociates.com for coaching if you want to learn the art of creating win-win solutions in your personal or professional life.
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