Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 7 Issue VII
July, 2007
IN THIS ISSUE
Living a Life Where There is Nothing Wrong
On The Lighter Side
Living a Life Where There is Nothing WrongEveryone has experienced a time in their life when they didn’t feel loved and accepted. Our self-worth and self-love is based on whether we feel loved by the people important to us. If we don’t feel loved we will eventually feel unlovable. People deal with this differently, some people shy away from others to protect themselves and others become outgoing and try to win others over. Nurses are usually the later. The unfortunate thing is that people believe that they weren't accepted because they did something wrong or something is wrong with them. The reality is that people will respond to us based on their frame of reference and it has very little to do with us. If a parent, important teacher, or even a classmate tells us in words or actions that we are not okay we develop a fear of repeating that feeling of rejection later in life. Our fear of rejection can result in a compulsive drive to please everyone in our life to make up for those deep bad feelings that the situation gave us. When we come to the realization that what other people think doesn’t make it so, we can free ourselves from the overwhelming need to make everyone happy. If we decide we have bad behavior it's correctable with the mere choice of another way of being and the determination to do something different. We often take it personally when someone does something that hurts us. The reality is that when someone is hurtful it’s not about us. We may choose to stay away from that person or ask for different behavior. We get to choose the people with whom we associate and our responses to them. It’s useful to look inside yourself to understand your reaction. Our fearful responses are usually the result of past hurts. When you choose to face the underlying original source of pain you have an opportunity to move beyond it. Being authentic is the solution. By being authentic we're able to acknowledge our feelings without making them wrong or anyone else wrong for causing them. We can accept our own imperfection and accept other’s imperfection. When we're authentic we don’t have to judge others or ourselves because we know and accept how difficult it is to overcome many of the perspectives we learned in childhood. We realize that each of us have had difficulties and people who taught us to view life a certain way. We can accept and forgive the weaknesses in others when we accept and forgive our own. Getting back in touch with your authentic self when someone hurts you helps you be objective and merciful. When you respond from your authentic self, you'll get your point across. You'll reduce the receiver's likelihood of resistance. You can be clear. If fear overcomes you, you will have difficulty staying in touch with your authentic self. To increase your success, take some time to understanding what is creating your fear. Then bring yourself back to that part of you that wants to solve the problem instead of blaming someone for it. Take time to visualize being successful before you proceed further. If you want to solve a problem you want to respond from your authentic self where your intention is open-minded, serene and focused on resolution. We all have histories of some difficulties in childhood that color how we respond to the world in the present. The way most of us handle this is to try and control the world as a way that prevents us from feeling the old pain. Learning to accept whatever happens, as a way to heal will allow you to go into the pain, understand its source, and become peaceful with it. Think about how all the things created your strong endurance. You don't become resilient by seeking those situations that keep you sheltered and protected. You become robust by learning to maneuver through all different kinds of circumstances and find your sense of power and guidance from within. As nurses we are sensitive to the feelings and needs of others. This is a gift unless it is done for the purpose of being accepted by others rather then a calling to do this very honorable work. Being aware of your own energy will give you a frame of reference that allows you to get in touch with your motivation. It takes work to understand what is happening within us and then convert it to something that is successful so be patient with you. Living a life where nothing is wrong and every situation is an opportunity to grow and learn leads to a life filled with possibility. Contact Doris Young at 757 624-9603 for a complementary coaching session. Two openings are available for coaching clients.
|
