Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 7 Issue IX
September, 2007
IN THIS ISSUE
Blind Spots are the Foundation of Arguments
On The Lighter Side
Blind Spots are the Foundation of Arguments"I don't know who discovered water, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a fish." -- Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980) Media critic & writer Just like a fish can't see the water it's swimming in, you can't see the world immediately in front of you. It often takes someone with a different perspective to point it out. These people can see opportunities that you can't see. They can see pitfalls that you can' t see. They can see them, ironically, because they aren't staring at them every day. Why are most people so resistant to the perspective of others? It often comes down to the fact that people think there are negative and positive characteristics and want to see themselves in a positive light. If we could truly accept that there is nothing wrong and look at everything as an opportunity to develop ourselves the issue would desolve. Ever notice when people argue they blame others for being certain ways like controlling or aggressive and in fact, they are the epitome of that accusation. People see events and issues through the distorting prism of their own ideology, their particular individual history and interests. When we reflect on our own views of the world, we generally detect little evidence of bias. We have the impression that we see issues and events “impartially,” as they are in “actuality.” We might admit, possibly, that some of our views have been fashioned by our unique personal experience or group identity, but we feel that in our own specific case these factors have led to increased insight rather than bias. It only makes sense that we would think someone else was controlling when we want things to go our own way. If we didn’t want to control things why would it matter to us if the other person wanted things a certain way. If we could acknowledge our own desire to control we could just say we want something and continue the conversation until all are satisfied. We would probably come up with solutions that are even greater than either of us ever imagined. When people recognize the existence, and the impact, of most of the biases that social and cognitive psychologists have described over the past few decades we have an opportunity to change how we experience our world. When we lack recognition of our own blind spot, we argue with others about being difficult, wrong, and unkind. It’s the role that those same biases play in influencing our own judgments and inferences that we miss. Once we take on that what we see in others is just a reflection of ourselves, we have an opportunity to recognize and move beyond its constraints. Seeing others’ biases without recognizing similar biases in our own perceptions and reactions leads us to deduce that we are somehow less subject to biases than the people with whom we interact with everyday. Blind spots quite often hinder our personal and professional growth. If we’re not aware of their very existence it’s impossible for us to overcome their limitations. One solution is to keep a careful watch on the feedback you receive from others. Quite often negative feedback can help enormously in fostering growth. It goes without saying at this point that others will give us feedback based on their own blind spot though they may not know that they also have the trait. In general, it’s not worth spending much time trying to convince someone that they have a blind spot. If individuals don’t want to explore their psyche don’t push. It only results in more resistance. Just share and leave it for them to discover in their own time and place. Let’s explore what it would look like to use the world as a laboratory. What I mean here is – what would it be like if every situation were seen as an opportunity to experiment with how we are. What would the world look life if we saw our own bias before we spoke to someone else about his or hers. Intuitively wouldn’t the conversation be more open and free if we stated our own bias first and then made a request to have a conversation. Consider that we have every characteristic we see in others both positive and negative. So looking at the distinctiveness of others becomes a fascinating journey of self-awareness. Becoming more self-aware creates the opportunity to become more self-accepting. Self-acceptance leads to more openness and sharing. The more we share with trusted friends or our spouse the more these people can help us expand our self-knowledge. The more we know about ourselves and accept ourselves, the better our relationships can be. If we start here let’s explore how we would communicate. First, instead of being jealous, people with characteristics that we admire would inspire us. We’d be exploring how we’re like them and deepening our experience of being more like that. We’d be setting up our world to do the things we desire. We’d say – I see something I like and I want to be more like that so how do I get started. Next, we would recognize that what we don’t like in others, people don’t like in us. We could begin to see the bright side of every characteristic. For example, being controlling could be seen as caring about how things are done. We could see that people committed to having things a certain way are dedicated to seeing things be successful. We could see that what seems like someone being difficult is just someone standing for their convictions. We would just want to learn more about how they see the world instead of being upset that they don’t see it the same way as we do. As you open to learning about your blind spot you’re able to breakthrough old patterns and behaviors and have relationships that you love. So take on each emotion you have about others as a way to enjoy growth and development in the laboratory of life. Experiment with new ways of being and bring acceptance and joy to every moment of your life. Doris Young, PhD, RN specializes in coaching nursing and healthcare leaders. To find balance in your personal and professional life call for a complementary coaching session today. Doris provides leadership seminars and keynotes directed at the issues facing healthcare today. Contact Doris at 757 624-9603 or at Doris@DorisYoungAssociates.com
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