Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 8 Issue IV
April 2008
IN THIS ISSUE
Save The First Dance For You
On The Lighter Side
Save The First Dance For YouDance is the hidden language of the soul. Martha Graham (1893-1991) What I learned from taking dance lessons is to save the first dance for you. To be a dancer one must start with the three Cs: commitment, control, and challenge if we want to have less stress, more energy, and more success. In nursing we must make a commitment to whatever we are doing. We do this by seeing things as interesting. We must recognize what we have control over. We can’t control the people, places, or things in life. We only have control over how we respond to whatever happens to us. We must also learn to relax. Learning to take long deep breaths will shift our experience instantly. The dancer’s body is simply the luminous manifestation of the soul. Isadora Duncan (1878-1927) During my first lesson I learned to bend my knees and establish my dance frame. In dance the dance frame allows the dancer to be firm and flexible so they can move in any direction and won’t be knocked over. In nursing we must know our frame of reference. We come from one of our three aspects of self: The masked self what to look good. A person can be a friend to the masked self as long as a person feels good. If the person doesn’t feel good it’s over. The lower self is that part of us that will lash out if it doesn’t feel like it looks good. This is actually a more honest part of us. The final part of us is our authentic self. From this part of us we accept whatever comes our way without judgment. We accept that whatever happens we can learn and grow. We also need to know our gifts. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more to be than a good dancer. Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) Next, I had to learn to maintain my frame while moving. A dancer can’t dance if they don’t move. Dancers move around the room forward, backward and sideways without being knocked off balance because they are able to hold the dance frame while moving. Nurses must maintain their frame of reference while moving. We must take action in order to make things happen. In a dance studio there are mirrors around the room so the dancer can watch at him or herself and determine if the steps are executed properly. In nursing we must live an examined life in order to understand ourselves and move beyond our limitations. What we see in others is a reflection of who we are. We can learn from everything. When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way. Wayne Dyer (1940- ) Learning the steps finally happens once the dancer becomes comfortable holding him or herself in dance frame while moving. When we want to learn the step to success in nursing we must learn the steps to make our dreams a reality. We must start by taking a dream off the shelf and being willing to grow. Growth means setting a goal, determining the reality of the circumstance we find ourselves in. Looking at options comes next and identifying what we’re willing to do. The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word. Mata Hari (1876-1917) Next the dancer needs to know who’s leading and who’s following. It is sad, but many new dancers walk off the dance floor angry at each other because the women tries to lead or the man doesn’t know how to give a strong enough lead. In nursing it’s important to know each other’s viewpoint. We have a terrible tendency to assume everyone thinks like us or to get upset if people don’t think like us. Knowing the triangle is also important. People see themselves as victims and when they do they will find a rescuer. The thing to remember is that if you are a victim or a rescuer, you will eventually become a prosecutor. People resent being a victim or rescuer and will attack the other for playing the other role. If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Being able to connect with your partner is the next step to being a ballroom dancer. It takes time to develop an effective dance partnership. When putting a team together there are stages that are predictable. First a team must go through a stage of forming while they are getting to know each other and discover what they can depend on. Next, people have a phase of storming while some conflict may arise from experiencing differences. Eventually a team will begin a norming phase where things begin to stabilize. Once the team can know and depend on each other they move into a performing phase. What needs to be remembered is that a team will go through these stages each time a new person is added to the team. The communication of resistance must also be known. A dancer needs to hold resistance against her partner in order to feel and give the lead. Too much resistance the dancer can be knocked over. Too little the other person can’t lead or follow. In nursing, people need to know that resistance is when we ask for what we want and discus our views openly. Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once. Robert Browning (1812-1889 After all these steps the dancer begins to hear the music. Real listening consists of hearing the music understanding what it is, and making a judgment about how to respond. There are several dances that can be done to the same music. As nurses we must hear what’s being said in report for example. We must understand what it means and then make a judgment about how to respond. Next, we must know our filter. People often think it's what people say or do that makes them upset. In fact, our response is impacted by the ABC’s. There is an activating event, our belief or bias, and then the consequence occurs. The only thing we have control over is our response to the world.
I run on the road, long before I dance under the lights. Muhammad Ali (1942- ) Finally, after learning how to hold themselves, the steps, and hearing the music the dancer is ready to free themselves to have fun. It doesn’t seem fair, but it takes hard work to learn to dance so the fun is delayed until it begins to be comfortable. We live in the comfort of our routines and it takes something to move beyond fear and step outside of one’s comfort zone. For nurse moving out of their comfort zone is coming to grips with the need to be open to receive what they want. Receiving love is a skill that needs to be developed. We shut down our wanting because we don't want to be disappointed so we live an unfulfilled life rather than be disappointed. Individuals also need to learn to say no. Getting to know what you want to do and what you don’t want to do is not easy. Learning to say no gracefully is an important skill. God creates, I do not create. I assemble and I steal everywhere to do it—from what I see, from what the dancers can do, from what others do. George Balanchine (1904-1983) Then it’s time to add your style. A dancer must reach a point where thinking and looking good is replaced with confidence and consistency. In order for that to happen the dancer must release fear and accept lack of control. There is so little we have control over and so much we have fear of. People learn their fears in childhood and unless we face our fears directly and move over, around, or through them we will remain unhappy and pensive throughout our life. When nurses find fulfillment it is because they make the choice to focus on what is working in their lives and create a workable realilty. Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance. Oprah Winfrey (1954- ) When the dancer finds their unique way of interpreting the music he or she is able to strut his or her stuff. This happens when they take on finding the angel within. Looking at the 14’ 6” statue of David is an amazing experience. It seems impossible to imaging how MichelAngelo created it. When he was asked to describe how, he said he found the angel within and chipped away everything that was not the angel. So it is with each of us: we must let go of everything that is not the angel within. To access our nurse power we must experience five characteristics. First, we must have presence as opposed to processing old hurts. To do this one must hear what we are saying to ourselves. We must be optimistic and take responsibility for our attitude and results. It also takes working together to accomplish what we want. We must be enthusiastic about everything we do and we must recognize our contribution along with that of everyone we come in contact with.
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