Doris Young Associates'
Young Thoughts
Volume 8 Issue VIII
August 2008
IN THIS ISSUE
The Wisdom of Forgiveness
On The Lighter Side
The Wisdom of Forgiveness
"Life is an adventure in forgiveness." Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990)
When we hold something against another person we are attached to that person. Imagine holding something against a wall. The only way to keep it there is to stay attached to it. Freedom comes from letting go. To determine if you're ready to forgive, ask yourself whether you want to waste any more time and energy on the matter at hand. When your answer is a clear no, you're in the space of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a personal gift you can give yourself. Lawana Blackwell, author of The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark said,"Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives." Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. When you let go of whatever you're holding against another you are free. Forgiveness is an important part of getting out of our prison. C. S. Lewis said, "We all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it." There is a difference between intellectual forgiveness and real forgiveness. Many of us think we have forgiven, but we have actually just disconnected from our pain. We couldn't have what we wanted, so we stopped wanting it. That part of us died and became our missing self. Feeling compassion for others' limitations, we became complacent and established a belief system that incorporated the fact that we couldn't and wouldn't have our wishes met. We continued to have a deep, unhealed hurt. Sometimes the most difficult aspect of our growth is to forgive ourselves for our own iniquities. We will continue in our denial long beyond what is reasonable because to leave this state means facing that we have hurt ourselves and others. Once you understand the need, ask for the forgiveness from the people you've hurt, forgive yourself, and STOP what you're doing. The longer you hold on to the fact that you have done something wrong, the longer you will continue the pain. Forgiving yourself frees you. It allows you to make another choice. Once again, it requires getting in touch with the pain you have caused others and experiencing what mercy is. Then you can continue to make every interaction different. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of the old and taking on something new. You can't change the past. You can put it in the past, or you can continue to regurgitate to no avail. If you keep doing what you're doing, you are destined to get the same results. Having the courage to release will set you free. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) said, "One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything." When you come to terms with the people, places, and things in your life, you see them for what they are and you have the chance to let them go. Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. Come to terms and put the past in the past. You like every other human being are dealing with your humanity all day every day. Louise Hayes, author of You Can Heal Your Life, believes that all disease results from unforgiveness. "Forgiveness" means giving up or letting go. When people can see that the person they need to forgive is also in pain, the process begins to be possible. Part of the process is accepting oneself as just what she or he is supposed to be. Self-approval and self-acceptance are the first major steps to greater health. Self-affirmations can help people get on the path. Self-nurturing behavior is vital to forgiving others. The skills that can help improve health begin with being conscious of the spiritual self on a quest to recover our soul. Each thing we do for the body we do for the mind and the spirit and vice versa. The average person accepts this concept with difficulty. Consciousness is achieved by seeing the divine in each human experience. Being conscious is staying in the moment and experiencing it to the fullest. A former client of mine shared the following anonymous quotation: "Remember that time waits for no one
Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is Mystery
Today is a Gift"
That's why it's called the
"Presentè½ We cannot change the past; it's over and done. We can't control or predict the future. This moment is a gift to be opened, explored, and experienced to the fullest. It is the only time that is real. By putting the past in the past, we have an opportunity to create a new future in this present moment. So often people waste the present moment, regretting the past or worrying about the future. Releasing the past, re-creating our future, and living in the present is vital to health and well-being. The complex system of the human being has many mysteries that we learn more and more about as we view it from a wide-reaching perspective. We've all heard of individuals who've lost a family member because of a crime or negligence and their anger and desire for revenge poison their entire being. They're so focus on what they've lost, and what they wanted the dead person to be, and do, for them, that they completely miss the opportunity they've been given to learn about real love.
Unconsciously believing their hatred and thirst for vengeance will somehow bring them healing, they quest for revenge and punishment. Instead, their hardened hearts and stiff lips send them into a life of torment and pain on the path of wishing pain on someone else. All human beings have blind spots and do things unconsciously. When we take the opportunity to see our need to let go and forgive whenever something disturbs our peace of mind, we take the first step toward wisdom. Living the wisdom of forgiveness creates freedom and joy in all we do and brings us to understand who we truly are. We are whole, complete, and perfect beings dealing with our human flaws and those of everyone around us. We experience our life fully when we take on forgiveness as an adventure of everyday life. To take on living in the wisdom of forgiveness is to put the past in the past and enjoy being totally present while detached from whatever is going on around you. You can be supportive of others and nurturing toward yourself. As you let go you will be free and your life will be joyfully beyond your wildest imagination. Doris Young, RN, PhD. Author of Save the First Dance for You, the Complete Nurse's Guide to Serving Your Patients, Profession, and Yourself is a speaker, health care coach , and consultant. To contact Doris call her at 800 673-8005 or check out her website at www.TheNurseDoctor.com.
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